Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Night Notes

-Most unintentionaly hilarious ad on TV:
"My cousin from Italy is very serious about his Italian food. So when he visits, I take him to Olive Garden."

Concerning my list of Greatest Americans-
-I should have replaced McArthur with Patton.
-Babe Ruth for Ted Williams. Williams was the greatest hitter ever, a hero in TWO wars and a champion fisherman after he retired. So he would make a list of Manliest Men, but for overall influence he would probably yield to Babe Ruths unprecedented national celebrity.
-As for Watson and Crick, only James Watson should be on the list. I "always" forget that Francis Crick is a Brit. Damn limeys. Always trying to tax our tea.

(?:( I'm sad that someone has driven a fish hook through my forehead.
Wow this should get old fast. Lets see how quick we can run it into the ground.

Round II

Second round of voting for the Disney Hero thing is up.
I'm a little short on time, but let's run through this quick.
Aladdin v. Hercules: Well, Alladin stole stuff. I don't know what Hercules did. Feats and acts probably. Hercules.

Lumiere v. Peter Pan: Hmmm, talking lampstick or immortal boy in tights? Either way, when I think of it like that, I lose. Peter Pan, I guess. I mean, he had his move named after him. Lumiere was at best, the number four character in his film.

Prince Phillip v. Beast: Is the Beast vulnerable to getting poked with sword? I seem ti remember him not having trouble with Gastons bow and arrow, so I'm guessing no. Beast.

Tarzan v. Quasimodo: I may be wrong but it seems like Hunchback was the only recent (but pre-Atlantis collapse into sucky bombs) movie to not get its own animated series on the Disney Channel. Kinda sad. Tarzan.

Ok, gotta run. Had a bad night at work yesterday. Hope it dosen't carry over today. Oh, and wish Gwen luck. She's working on her phlebotomy(?) license this week. I don't think she likes sticking people.

Ranking the HK kids

Here's how I figure the Hells Kitchen contestants are seeded right now-

1-Michael: Did you know he has "Chef Life" tattooed across his knuckles? Thats dedication. He's never really screwed up, never really been yelled at by chef, gets his stuff done and just generally plays it cool. Has to be the front runner.
2-Ralph: Peaches on steak nontwithstanding. If he actually did that to sabotage Andrew then he's pretty dumb since it was a Team Challenge and all he did was cost himself face time with Chef Ramsey. He's really not that great a leader and his bossiness will blow up in his face.
3-Elsie: She's done pretty well for herself all things considered. But she dosen't appear to handle being yelled at very well, and that's kinda important in this game.
4-Andrew: Chef must have some belief in him to keep him on after the Peaches Incident. Maybe he saw the tapes and just appreciated him not trying to dump the blame on Ralph.
5- Mary Ellen: I couldn't tell you thing one about this woman, expect the fact she is apparently a recent culinary school grad. So I guess I should pull for her in the name of solidarity and all. Her major lack of face time dosen't speak well for her chances though.
6-Chris: An executive chef should probably be shining a little brighter in this competition. I don't think his habit of spending half an hour getting ready in the morning when the sous chefs are banging pots and pans and hollering to get to line up will help him.
7-Jessica: Boo hoo! I have no chance in this game!
8-Jimmy: The only difference between Jimmy and Jeff is that when Jeff screwed up he would stand around whining and making excuses. Jimmy screws up even more often, but he always dives right back in and tries to fix things. That will keep him alive for a little while. Until things really start to matter.

Already Gone-
Jeff:Wow, who could have seen this coming?
Wendy: How'd that Mandarin war cry from Episode II work out for ya? "We will never lose again?" Huh. Whats Chinese for "I will be eliminated next episode"?
Dewberry: Oh well, I hear San Francisco is quite nice this time of year.
CarolAnn: I don't even remember who you are.

Night Notes

Two things

1- I split the recap into two parts hoping that would solve the cutoff problem. It doesn't seem to have worked. For some reason its cutting off at the end of my list of links. Scroll down to check out my ghettorifficaly inventive temporary solution.

2- Dad, please tell me your'e not serious about not putting George Washington on a list of the 25 greatest Americans. Really. No Washington, no country. Its that simple. And yes, that is a challenge to post your own feeble list. As well as any one else, specifically family members who have their own blog.

Hells Kitchen Episode 3 Recap Part 1

Okay, I'm gonna try recapping this show for those who haven't seen it. Lets see how it goes.

Intro...Gordon Ramsey is Britains top chef...but he's mean! Now he's going to give one of twelve contestants their own restaurant.
Rundown of the previous two episodes. Carolann gets cut for not wanting to help out in the kitchen. Dewey walks off his station in episode 2 so he's gone.
Elsie is sad that Dewbery is gone. He was just so lovable and fun. Which is of course why you stabbed him in the back in epsiode one? (If you didn't see it, it was Elsies job to pick two team mates, one of whom would be cut. She promised not to pick Dewbery, and then, well, you know)
At morning roll call Ramsey notes that red team has lost two straight nights and their ranks are looking a little thin. He calls Michaels name...and tells him to take off his jacket. Michael looks like he just swallowed a bee, but no worries. Chef is just sending him over to red team to even things out at five a piece. This is pretty huge for Red team as Michael is actually a professional chef. The other members of red team are probably wondering if they can send Jeff over in exchange, but they don't get the chance to ask.
Todays challenge- they have to cook a complete five course meal for a VIP- namely Chef Ramsey. Everyone get sent outside where double decker bus is waiting. They first need to go to the store and get their supplies. The teams seperate by level on the bus to plan their strategy. On the blue side, Andrew suggests some ideas, but Ralph bulls right over him and tells everyone how they'll do it. Andrew is displeased. He also looks like he's about 17, so I might have a little trouble taking him seriously too. On the red side Jeff hypes his soup but everyone just blows him off.
At the store the sous chefs meet them outside and inform the teams they each have 100 dollars and ten minutes to get their stuff. Starting...after the break.
Ok, after the break the whistle blows and both teams light out like crazy to grab their ingredients. The teams have to stay together, more or less it seems. Jeff immediately gets under his teams skin when, sent for bread he just kinda stands around whining that the loaves are too hard. "You're making croutons!" Blue team glides through the produce section apparently grabbing things at random. Red team can't move on because Jeff is...standing around looking at greeting cards? Damn, this guy looks like he has no idea what is going on pretty much all the time. Final seconds now as red has all their stuff, but blue still needs bacon! Bacon! Everyone scrambles for the meat counter and Ralph dramatically lobs a package into the cart just as time expires. Instant replay shows he didn't quite make it in time, but hey, close enough for non-sports themed reality TV.
Back to the kitchen where they all spend about 12 seconds preparing the meal. On the blue side Ralph just bulls over everyone and tells them what to do. No apparent problems for red team. Or maybe nothing interesting happened that I can remember. I should really take notes if I'm going to do this. Anyway, its a safe bet that red team got annoyed at Jeff.

Tasting time. The teams line up with their individual dishes on silver platters. First up are the cold starters. Wendy goes for the blue team, but forgets the name of her dish. Oh well, Chef hated it anyway. Elsie has better luck with her salad. No specifics given, just a 'salad'. Chef praises Jessicas dish, which almost makes her cry. "Its the first nice thing he's ever said to me!" Jeff serves up an onion soup and everyone is clearly watching for him to fall on his ass. Instead Chef compliments him for making something boring tasy. Michael rolls his eyes and opines that Jeff pulled that out of his ass. For the main course Andrew serves a grilled ribeye..garnished with grilled peaches? Apparently he didn't want to use them but Ralph put them on (while doing his best Emeril- "Grilled peaches, oh yeah!") Chef is skeptical, and after one bite declares the experiment a failure. God, if I was Andrew I'd be screaming "The peaches weren't my idea!" but he's cool enough to keep it to himself. He even manages to avoid glaring at Ralph, that I can see. Chris's entree flops too for Red team. Chris just assumes that since he is an executive chef, Ramsey just holds him to a higher standard. Or maybe you suck?
Anway Chef likes Raplhs dish, and Andrews, though he calls him a smart-ass for carving Hells Kitchen logo out of a mushroom. For the desserts Mary Ellens dish is good enough, but Jimmys bombs. So its tied up at three a piece. The winner is...commercial break!
Ok, the winner is Red team since their dishes worked better together. And didn't feature grilled peaches on steak. (ok, thats what I thought anyway) Their prize is a night at the bar with chef. Blue team gets to spot clean the dorm. They are...unhappy with this to say the least. As the red team gets ready to go, Jimmy adds insult to injury by strolling out of the toliet stall and asking Ralph "Peaches and Steak" to go in there and "clean up".
At the bar red team kisses chefs ass and laugh loudly at his jokes. Jeff sucks at darts and throws one in the wall. At the dorm Blue team angrily cleans. Ralph sips a glass of wine and wishes he was out drinking. Jessica fights tears as she delcares Chef has it in for her. Yeah.
That night Jeff slinks into the toliet stall where much moaning and splashing occurs. Uh? He emerges and proudly puts a tiny dot on a towel and rushes out to the kitchen. "Who wants to see a kidney stone?" He tries to explain the grueling process of filtering a kidney stone but everyone just laughs at how small it is. "It's like a mustard seed!" I bet Jeff hears that alot.
Strategy session for the nights meal. Red team meets outside, except for Jeff who is asleep in bed. Elsie goes to fetch him. Once at the meeting he immediately gets into it with Chris and much swearing results. The end result? No one likes Jeff.

Hells Kitchen Episode 3 recap Part 2

At lineup, Chef demands improvement on tonights dinner service. He also tells the group that two top food critics are in the house tonight.
Things get off to a bad start for Blue side as Andrews risotto makes someone puke after one bite. Oops. On the red side, Jeff is his usual ineffectual self. He loudly complains he's never worked on a line before, and chef understandingly calls him over to scream profanity at him. Jeff looks pissed. The dishes that go out get mixed reviews from the critcs. Jeff continues messsing up. Wendy dosen't have spaghetti ready because she used cold water in the pot. "I thought cold water boiled faster!" Chef looks like he wants to shoot himself. Back on red Jeff drops his pasta, Jimmy serves medium lamb thats pink inside. After a good yelling-at, Jimmy runs off to fix it and promptly wipes out on the floor. Oh man, a fat guy falling, it never gets old. I can't believe he's made it this far. Back to blue where chef demands to know when the entrees are coming up. Wendy says ten minutes which wins some yelling. Raplh hurries over, asks him to call the order again, then tells him five minutes. Jessica admits Ralph holds their team together. He does seem to be doing everything. He even tells Wendy not to be such a "nervous ninny". Ok.
On red side chef rides Jeff some more. Jeff mutters something under his breath and the sous chef starts screaming at him to repeat it. What did he say? What did he say? Commercial break!
Back from break, chef continues screaming at Jeff, who finally breaks down and calls him an asshole. Chef looks amused as Jeff storms out. Everyone else on red team looks pissed, as evident by their throwing of towels on counters. Yeah, that what I do when I'm frustrated. I totally get this show. Frankly I thought everyone would be doing the "Hey hey hey, Goddbye) song, but no. They're a man down now, so they do the logical thing, stand around looking pissed.
Chef eventually wanders over to Blue side where he yells at Wendy for no obvious reason than he hasn't yelled at anyone recently. Really, she wasn't doing anything wrong and he just starts screaming at her to shut up.
The night ends, as it always does with Chef getting pissed and shutting down the kitchen. He lines everyone up and declares they took a big step back tonight. But the critics preffered red sides dishes, so they..well they don't win, Blue team loses. Chef says he would hate to see Blue team have to work with out Ralph, so he gets to pick the two nominees to be eliminated.
Everyone retreats outside. Jessica crys, and says she doesn't want to go home. If I'm Andrew I'm figuring Raplh owes me one for that peaches debacle. Ralph lays on a weight bench and contemplates.
Back inside Ralph announces his choices. Wendy, because most of their problems seemed to come from her station...and Andrew because his constant arguing with Chef was a distraction. You can see Andrew just bursting to scream "Peaches!?! PEACHES!!??!" but he holds it in.
The two step forward to defend themselves. Wendy promises to improve. Andrew admits he had some disagreements with Chef..."Disagrements?? Thats the best you can do? Start over."
Anyway, chef says its an easy pick this week. Wendy. Jessica starts crying at the announcement. No group hug as Wendy goes straight out. Jessica will miss her. Wendy wishes she could have lasted longer.
Chef impales Jeff and Wendys coats on the meat hooks. Jessica crys.
Next week, Red team maybe actually finishes the entire dinner service and Jessica gets all weepy. Surprisingly.
Wow, that was alot of words. I should really do this on the laptop while I'm watching.
Ok, thats it.

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