Thursday, March 15, 2007


If you don't feel like wading through all those Futurama quotes just scan about 2/3 of the way down for the top 20.


Since I have nothing else to talk about right now, here are my 10 favorite lines from the most underloved show in history. I didn't exactly have some scientific system for this. I just went with lines that were funny, memorable, and that I actually use in real life situations. I also tried to stay away from longer gags, and just keep them to a few lines maximum.
Honorable Mentions:

Absolutely anything said by Hedonism Bot.

Fry A: You mean you flipped a coin too? And it was tails? So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost.

Professor Farnsworth: Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why, why, why didn't I break his legs?

Zapp Brannigan: When I'm in command, every mission's a suicide mission!

Zapp Brannigan: The key to victory is discipline, and that means a well made bed. You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep.
Fry: You mean while I'm sleeping in it?
Zapp Brannigan: You won't have time for sleeping soldier, not with all the bed making you'll be doing.

Robot Santa: Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile!

Amy: Fool me seven times, shame on you. Fool me eight or more times, shame on me.

Leela: Nooo! Ahh! Fire hot!!
Professor: The Professy will help! Ohhh, fire indeed hot!

Alien: Hey, I'm a porno-dealing monster. What do I care what you think?

Dr. Zoidberg [to Fry]: Now what?
Fry: Tell her she looks thin.
Dr. Zoidberg: You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from intestinal parasites maybe?
Edna: Yes, thanks for noticing.

Fry: My fellow fish monsters, far be it for me to question your stupid culture and its idiotic customs, but will using a giant nutcracker to squeeze each other's brains out solve anything?

Fry: Psst! Leela! You've got to get me out of here! It's horrible! Eating scraps; letting my waste drop wherever it falls, like an animal in a zoo!
Leela: Animals go in the corner.
Fry: The corner! Why didn't I think of that?

Morgan: That form isn't about you. It refers to my high school prom date. It was a regulation date that ended in regulation disappointment.
Hermes: Yes, but you only stamped it four times!
Morgan: No! No! I was young and reckless.

Fry: Look, the food isn't what's important.
Tinny Tim: I'm so hungry.

Bender: Yes! I'm gonna be rich! [looks at Fry] You too, but its hard to get excited about that.

Fry: You know what the worst part of being a slave is? All you do is work but you don't get paid. Leela: Fry, that's the only part of being a slave.

Albert: Ladies and gentlemen, something very strange has just happened in this basketball game between space clowns and atomic monsters.

Farnsworth (shouting) Ooh! [The anteaters start to eat him.] Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me!
Leela: Oh, God! What have I done?
Farnsworth: I just told you, you've killed me!

Bender: Save my friends! And Zoidberg!

[Hermes is threatening to jump off a building.]
Planet Express Crew: No! Don't jump!
Bender: Do a flip!

Zapp Brannigan: This whole sector is uncharted.
Kif: It is not uncharted, you lost the chart.

Professor Farnsworth: Now, be careful, Fry. And if you kill anyone, make sure to eat their heart to gain their courage. Their rich, tasty courage.

Lrrr: This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!!!!!

Martian Chief: I am "Singing Wind" leader of the Martians.
Zapp Brannigan: Take me to your leader.
Martian Chief: …moving along…

Fry: Uh, just so we'll know, who's the enemy?
Zapp: A valid question. [The lights come back on.] We know nothing about their language, their history or what they look like. But we can assume this: They stand for everything we don't stand for. Also, they told me you guys look like dorks.
Bender: They look like dorks!

Sal: Hey, sexy mama, let's get busy and freaky in that order!
Fry: Hey! How would you like it if Leela said you were sexy and she wanted to have sex with you?
Sal: Eh, I gots five minutes. She looks pretty good for a truck stop chick!
Fry: You take that back! She does not look good for a truck stop chick!
Sal: Yeah, you're right. She don't gots enough meat for a guy like me.
Fry: She does too! She's loaded with meat! She's got more meat than a cow!

Professor Farnsworth: Who are those horrible orange creatures over there?
Glermo: Why those are the Grunka-Lunkas. They work here in the Slurm factory.
Professor Farnsworth: Tell them I hate them!

Farnsworth: Due to the atoms tremendous value, Planet Express would go bankrupt if it was stolen. Therefore we'll need to hire on additional security for the mission.
Flexo: Oh, oh, oh, oh! Mr. Professor, right here!
Fry: Uh, maybe we should stick with people we know and trust. I mean, Flexo's great, but-- Farnsworth: "Flexo's great," you say? Well that's good enough for me.

Hermes: Where in Funkytown is the Professor?
Fry: Nothing in here but a couple of elephant skin rugs.

Robot Santa: But what about your other co-workers? Did any of you even consider Dr. Zoidberg?
Fry: No, I swear!

Wow, that went on for awhile. Let's get to the top 20 now.

20. Professor Farnsworth: If anyone needs me, I'll be in the angry dome!
I want my own angry dome...

19.[Zoidberg's house has burned down underwater.] Zoidberg: My home! It burned down! Oh, how did this happen?
Hermes: That's a very good question.
Bender: Oh, so that's where I left my cigar.
Hermes: That just raises even further questions!

18. Bender: Congratulations Fry, you've snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich, she's probably got other characteristics…
Leela: Bender! Romance isn't about money!
Bender: Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely? Please!
Leela: For your information, it's because he's hideous!
Dr. Zoidberg: Awww.
This one is better if you can actually watch Zoidberg throughout it.

17. Dr. Zoidberg: Hurray, people are paying attention to me!
Who hasn't said this at least once in life?

16. God: It takes a gentle touch. Like a safecracker, or a pickpocket.
Bender: Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money!
God: Exactly, if you make it look like an electrical thing.
My kind of God.

15. iHawk: Gee, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill.
Nurse: Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone! He has twice the training you do.
iHawk: Yeah, he's a doctor and a butcher! [He laughs and soldier #1 joins in. Zoidberg groans.]
Zoidberg: See, this is how it starts. First with he jokes, then comes the heavy stuff.
[iHawk laughs then turns a switch on his body from "irreverent" to "maudlin".] iHawk: When will the killing end?
Ok, I know I broke my own rule here, but sue me. It's probably the funniest part of maybe my favorite episode. "It's stuck in there with glue or something, I don't know!"

14. Fry: Hey, wait, I'm having one of those things…you know, a headache with pictures.
Leela: An idea? Fry: Mmm! Mmm hmm!
I get these sometimes. I hate them!

13. Fry: [about to serve his sentence of being sexed to death] Goodbye, friends. I never thought I'd die like this. But I always really, really hoped.
You and me both buddy...

12. Linda: I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool.

11. Zapp Brannigan: I am the man with no name…Zapp Brannigan, at your service.

10. Farnsworth: Oh, I don't have time for this. I have to go and buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain.
I can't wait to be old.

9. Dr. Zoidberg: I'm going to cut him, right here, [pointing at Fry's throat] in the gonads!
Fry: [to the audience] Nobody correct him!

8.Fry: Now he's trapped in a book I wrote. A crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors.
Giant Brain Spawn: The Big Brain am winning again! I am the greetest! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!
Bonus points for "I'm a giant brain!" Which I use as often as possible.

7. Fry: Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Put me in, Professor. I wanna show Leela my skills.
Farnsworth: Hmm. Will said skills pay the bills?
Yeah, I use this one a lot. A LOT.

6. Fry: It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter, while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns and also he got a racecar. Is any of this getting through to you?
I often try to get people to understand the wisdom here, but it never seems to get through to them either.

5. Fry: That doesn't look like an L, unless you count lowercase.
Bender: You know we don't!
I base my philosophy on life around that.

4. Fry: But existing is basically all I do!
Wait, no. I base it on this.

3. Fry: This is awesome! We're gonna be like pow-pow-pow, and they're gonna be like ... [He screams and makes explosion noises.] ... and then we'll have pancakes to celebrate and I'll be like...gronhmgronhmgornhm
That's the best pancake eating noise I can do.

2. The Grand Midwife: I will now take my leave! I live here, so I won't actually be going anywhere, but you don't have to talk to me anymore!
Not useful, but damn funny.

And my all time favorite Futurama quote....

1. Farnsworth: There'll be no further nasty. [He takes a laser out of his lab coat.] We still have the option of resorting to violence.
Hermes: What makes you think that'll work?
Farnsworth: I saw it on TV in that episode where Bender shot Calculon. How cool was that?

Three things I learned doing this:
I really love Futurama.
Fry reminds me of myself.
If there is one quote I really need to work into my daily venacular, it's that "arooo" noise Nixon makes.

So, what about you?


Check back later for my massive homage to the best quotes in Futurama history.

That Baseball Thing

This Space Left Blank :(

MOB Rules
Minnesota Organization of Bloggers
Baseball Thingy

Powered by Blogger