Thursday, June 22, 2006


I apologize in advance to my mother (who probably constitutes a good 1/12th of my regular readership) for any profanity to follow but I am seriously angry right now.

Ok, here's the deal. Awhile back Gwen and I got tickets for the Twins/Cubs game on Saturday. Last night at dinner I was thinking about who would be pitching for us and I got excited because I figured it was going to be Johan Santana. What I only later remembered was that the Twins had an off day on Monday. Oh but I realized it soon enough. And everything came crashing down.

So I'm looking online at the Twins site and I click on the tab for "Probable Pitchers". First up on Thursday in Houston is, get this, Roger Clemens vs. Francisco Liriano. Can you believe it? What a game to watch. Perhaps the best pitcher of all time making his season debut agaisnt a rookie phenom who might be a Hall of Famer himself one day. Seriously how lucky do you have to be to have tickets to that game?

Sadly, upon scrolling down I saw that the matchup slated for Fridays game 1 of the Twins/Cubs series was Mark Prior against...Johan Santana. Damn. This is when I remembered the off day on Monday that threw off my figuring. Again, what a matchup to see. You have Prior, once thought to be the future of pitching trying to battle his way back from injuries in his second start of the season taking on the best pitcher in baseball. So, awesome matchup. But now the dread sets in. If Santana is pitching on Friday...who the hell is going on Saturday? I slowly scroll down to find out.

And do you know who it is? Do you? After those two incredible matchups do you know who will be taking the mound for the game I have tickets for? Hm? Let me tell you.

Carlos Marmol and Boof Bonser.

I am fucking serious. After two of the most hotly anticipated pitching duels of the year I have tickets to see Carlos Goddam Marmol against Boof Fucking Bonser.

How the hell does this happen? I mean, Boof Bonser yeah ok, he'll be a servicable pitcher for us one day but he's still Boof Bonser for chrissakes. Am I supposed to tell my grandkids that I once saw "the next Joe Mays or maybe even Kyle Lohse" pitch? And Carlos Marmol? I don't even know who the hell you are but I'm sure you're a jerk.

Seriously this shit always happens to me. I have tickets to a Cardinals/Twins game; Mark McGwire goes on the DL a couple days before. It's like they know. Whoever "they" are, they know and they don't want me to see great baseball in person. I mean, Derek Lee won't even be there for the Cubs seeing as how he saw fit to break his goddam hand awhile back, just to spite me no doubt. I mean come on. If it had to be Bonser for the Twins, it couldn't have been Maddux for the Cubs? Hell I would have taken Carlos Zambrano. In fact now that I think of it I bet this was Kerry Woods spot in the rotation. Goddam I bet he got injured just to avoid playing before me.

The worst part is I don't even have anyone or anything to be logically mad at. Obviosuly Ron Gardenhire and Dusty Baker are just following their rotations. But that doesn't stop my sneaking suspicions that Bud Selig hates me for all the mean things I said about him and is exerting a little commissioner force to suck all the joy out of baseball for me.

Screw you Bud Selig!

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