Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Oh well, what else did I have to do?

I'm off today so I guess I might as well suck it up and do this over. ONE MORE TIME.

A I rank the disney villians, please bear in mid that the only one of these movies I've actually watched start to finsih in about ten years is Mulan. My rankings are based on memory, Disney Rides and the general knowledge you absorb working here. If I mess up any major details, sue me.

Very Honorable Mention- Governor Radcliffe- Apparently he IS included in the villian pantheon. For what??? Trying to bring civilization to North America? That he would be included with all the rest of these is a bigger crime than he ever committed.

10- The Evil Queen from Snow White- Basically she's really got it in for her only employee. You know, when you live in a castle its probably not a good idea to run off the only person who will scrub your steps.

9- Meleficient- Basically the same as above, but she can turn into a dragon. Or can a dragon turn into she?

8-Gaston- Ok, he's obnoxious and wants to hunt a monster. Plus he uses a bow and arrow at the end when firearms are clearly availiable.

7- Scar- Well, I guess he did kill his brother to steal the throne. But I never understood why the happy animal kingdom immediately turned into a hell hole once he was king. If thats his special power, huzzah. The best thing about Scar is his "lawyer walk" at the end.

6- Captain Hook- He's got his own pirate ship, so big points for that. Also, it can maybe fly too, I don't remember. He loses some points for getting his ass kicked by kids, but makes them up for being terrefied of a crocodolie with an alarm clock in its stomach. Sheer genius.

5- Jafar- You know what his problem is? He's making it too difficult for himself. With that snake eye twirly thing of his, he ought to be able to take whatever he wants. Why do you need to go through that whole lamp rigamarole? Needless, needless.

4- Stromboli- Normally, a creepy middle aged man who lures young boys to an amusement park and plies them with alcohol is cause for concern. But don't worry, he just wants to turn them into mules to work in his salt mine. Pretty cool.

3- Ursula- She parlayed a simple plan to steal a mermaids voice into becoming ruler of the sea. You gotta admire the cajones it takes to pull off that scheme.

2- Shan Yu- He invaded another country, wiped out its army, slaughtered a village and kidnapped the emperor. Thats more than everyone else on this list COMBINED accomplished. Bonus point for having a cadre of creepy underlings.

1- Judge Claude Frollo- Not only does he have the best villian song, but he has a stated policy of genocide for a whole ethnic group. The evil queen might want to run Snow White into the woods, but Frollo would use her skin to wax his car. Every other evil disney plan looks tame when youre plotting to wipe an entire people off the earth.

Not Listed- The guuy from Tarzan (never saw it, but what was he gonna do? Poach animals? Ooh) Hades (never saw it, but hes already evil incarnate. Thats cheating.) Cruelle Deville (whatever)

Well thats it. Don't hold you breath waiting for any more lists. Unless you have any good suggestions, thats all I wanted to do. Ok, discuss.


Damn it. I wrote a really long post on ranking the Disney villians, then when I hit publish the internet connection died. When I spaced back my post was gone. I am not rewriting this now.

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