Thursday, June 09, 2005

March Madness III

There's a new bracket up, this time for heroes. Funny, I don't remember being told about the prelims! Oh well. Let's take a look.

Hercules v. Merlin. Ah, getting the mythical characters out of the way right away I see. Hercules has a sword, but according to Disney Law, he can't actually cut anyone with it. So I'll go with Merlin. Besides, I never saw Hercules, a fact which I am obligated to mention everytime one of these polls comes out. (Buckle up your seatbelts for when we get to Tarzan! You know whats coming!)

Kenai v. Aladdin- Who? Huh? Who the hell is Aladdin? I mean Kenai. Kenai. Who's he?

Lumiere v. Prince Eric- I did not know Lumiere was a hero. Eric, if I recall drove a sailing ship into the heart of a giant sea beast. So he's got that going.

Peter Pan v. John Smith- The real John Smith was fat and middle aged. And for those of you opposed to my refusal to acknowledge Ratclife as a villain- take heart; the real Governor Ratcliffe was skinned alive and nailed to a tree by Indians. Peter Pan.

Philip v. Mogli- So is Phillip the one who poked malificient with the puny sword? If so, I have to go with Mowgli on general principle.

Arthur v. Beast. Nice, put the little kid against the giant monster. Beast is one of the few heroes to actually kill his villain counterpart, so I'll give it to him. Because bad people that get drunk and try to score deserve to die more often in film.

Genie v. Tarzan- I'm voting for Genie because blah blah blah. Wait, no, I'll vote for Tarzan because he wasn't voiced by Robin Williams.

Roger v. Quasimodo- Quasi loses points for failing to get the girl at the end. Well duh, of course she was going to end up with the handsome blonde guy. What the hell were you thinking Quasi?

Ok, end of Round one.


At 1:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I suppose I should comment on some of this.
If you had seen Hercules dive into that river of death, you'd vote for him. You bet!
Kenai is some guy who turned into a bear....then had a kids playground in Disney's California Adventure named after him. But, did he end up with Jasmine? I don't think so.
I wasn't even sure if I should include Lumiere in this thing. The "Mostly Human Only" rule sort of makes a three candlestick character kind of questionable. Eric knew how to drive a wrecked and rotting ship from the bottom of the ocean. That's pretty impressive.......or, impossible.
The real Peter Pan was a middle aged woman with wires coming out of her back. The real Captain Hook was Hans Conried, who appeared more than once on Gilligan's Island. How could anyone not go with PP?
Malificient got poked by a sword. Aurora didn't do anything but fall asleep. Someone in that movie must have done something. I'm taking a chance with Phillip.
Let's see. God allowed Arthur to pull a sword from an anvil. Perhaps God will also alow him to get more than one or two votes....but I doubt it.
You did not vote for Genie because he was voiced by Robin Williams. Yet, you never saw Tarzan. Why are you so sure that Tarzan was not voiced by Robin Williams?
OK. 101 Dalmations was not a bad movie, but Roger as a hero? Please.
I'd say you got most of them right.


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