Friday, December 16, 2005

Rewriting Lord Of the Rings

I was just watching Return of the King the other day, and as much as I love those films, I can't help but feel I could do a slightly better job with some of the scripting. Behold, my suggested changes for a couple of scenes. Original text in normal font, my additions in italics.

The Scene- Orcish troops are trying to break down the gates of Minas Tirath in Return of the King. They bring a normal ram to the gate and try to bring it down but are mowed down in waves by the archers up above. Finally there's a small mountain of orc corpses blocking the way. An orc commander runs back to the general...

Commander: The gate is too strong! Nothing can break it!
General. Grond will break it...
(They look back, where a pair of massive beasts are pulling a huuuuuge ram made in the fashion of a flaming wolfshead)

Commander: Ohhhhh, right right, Grond! How could I have forgotten Grond? Heh, heh, you know, after all the time we spent building it, and all the trouble it was to get it here, I'd have thought we would have, you know, just tried using it right away. I mean, we all would have felt pretty dumb if that little thing (points to the normal ram) had ended up breaking down the gates. I mean, what else could we have brought Grond along for? Ok, bring on Grond!

The Scene: The Urak-hai are about to attack Helms Deep. Legolas stands in a line of Elvish archers, their bows poised to fire.

Legolas:(whispering softly) Their armour is weak...below the arms and around the neck.

Elf three spots over: Wait, wait, what? What did he say? Was that important?
Elf two spots over: I think he said...bury me at Makeout Creek.
Elf three spots over: Ohh.....dude. We're boned.

Ehhh, maybe not.


At 9:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ben - Baseball comments

1) TEX wanted Liriano in order to give up Blalock...T.Ryan said no, so instead of trading a "young, but injured in the past pitcher" (which we have a lot of) we sign a 3B that played 135 games in Japan and will hit .220 next season.....good move Terry

2) Castillo will help, but not the answer (as Rivas would prove...nice one by the way)

3) Frabk Thomas would be perfect as a DH for this team - why not?

4) Dougie, as we all know him, signed with KC today, so he's back in the AL central - LOOK OUT, here comes KC!!!

At 4:32 PM, Blogger Jen said...

How's the book coming along?


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