Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Villain-O-Rama II

Voting brackets for round two can be found here.

Ok, lets see how my votes shape up for round two. I'm skipping the Tiger Test for this round and going for single combat.

Cruelle De Ville v. Frollo. Ok, seriously, who are the 22 percent that voted for Amos Slade over Frollo. Really, I wanna know. Fess up, post it here, I wanna know. Good thing Frollo is going up against a chain smoking stick fiugre, 'cause I saw Hunchback the other day, and while Frollo might have alot of skills, weilding a sword isnt one of them. Still, you just know he's hiding a gun..or a snake or something in that muffiney hat.

Captain Hook v. Lady Tremaine. Captain Hook got schooled by a couple of kids. Lady Tremaine...uh...which one is she again? Whatever, I'm assuming she would not be beaten up by a child.

Ursula v. Scar. Who wins in a fight between a lion and an octopus? I guess it depends where they fight. If they are on either ones home turf, nature takes care of the other one. I'll go with Scar because lions can swim a little bit, but Ursula would dry up on the savannah, then get eaten by a tiger. Then I changed my vote and voted for Ursula anyway since she is really a much better villain.

Shan Yu v. Queen of Hearts. I'm stopping with the combat test because now it bores me. Who could make the most PBJ sandwiches in 20 minutes? Shan Yu, thats who! I can't believe I just typed that. Man, how bad is it that the Queen of Hearts could barely beat out Whatshername? Come on people she decapitated cards! Cards!

Chernoboag v. Evil Queen. Good thing the Queen was up against the poorly dressed cat. Methinks she's not so lucky this round. What will your ineffectual posions do against a demon from hell?

Gaston v. Jafar. Well, Gaston passed the tiger test and thats good enough for my vote this time. Gaston wins the "What works better for plying princesses- Alcohol and violence or hypnosis?" debate.

Hades v. Malificent. I'm sure Hades has the awesome power to command a blowgun or whatever you need to kill a dragon apparently. A fork maybe?

Stromboli v. Clayton. Other than maybe Shan-Yu, it sounds like Clayton is the most dangerous combat. So there. Not funny, but informative.



At 4:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I really like Cruella, but this one just comes down to dastardliness. Cruella wanted to kill some dogs, Frollo wanted to burn innocent villagers alive. I have a soft spot for puppies, but that can only go so far.

The big thing that Lady Tremaine has going for her is that despite being the arch enemy of a Disney Princess, nothing bad ever actually happened to her. In fact, if I remember the story right, Cinderella forgave he and let her live in the castle with her and eat chocolates all day long and watch Jerry Springer. Probably the most successful of all villains. Still, Captain Hook does have the big feather in his hat...

Ursula has the most graphic death scene of any villain. I've kind of outgrown the need for violence in a movie, but it still has to count for something.

Shan Yu v. the Queen of Hearts. I spent a lot of time thinking about this, and the only category I could come up with where the Queen actually won out over Shan Yu was which one walked around the most often with the Chesire Cat on their butt. As impressive as that may be, I'd have to go with Shan Yu.

Maybe I'm not remembering the movie right, but what did Chernaborg ever do besides strut around with a really bad-ass name? The Evil Queen tried to crush a bunch of dwarves. She wins for being so politically incorrect.

Gaston and Jafar. This is a tough one. Gaston uses antlers in all of his decorating. I never noticed any antlers in Jafar's tiny apartment. That could tip the scale.

Despite all of her shortcomings, Maleficent is still one of the coolest villains. It's true that she had no idea what to do once she turned into a dragon, but at least she could turn into one. Hades rules the underworld, yet he chooses to keep a couple losers around as sidekicks to botch all his evil plans. He's got to do better than that.

Clayton had to kill himself because even the mighty Tarzan was not able to. On the other hand, Stromboli was outwitted by a cricket.

I guess that wraps that up. We should have some awesome match-ups coming in the next round.


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