Saturday, March 26, 2005

Dinsey villain March Madness

Dad...I mean...someone wanted me to post this link.
Go here now.

Ok, lets take a look at this thing.

I'm not sure how to vote for these. I'll just go with who would win in a fight, and use other factor as tiebreakers.

Cruella DeVille v. Edgar. Who the hell is Edgar? Some kind of cat? Was he a tiger? A tiger would probably eat that skinny bitch. But no, he is probably not a tiger. And Cruella shows up in the parks more than any other villain. So, Cruella.

Amos Slade v. Frollo. Hmmm. Fox and Hound...saw that about oh, 17 years ago. Who the hell is Amos Slade? Was he the crotchety neighbor? What was his evil ambition? Stealing apples? I guess he had a musket or something. Meanwhile, Frollo has a muffiney hat and a penchant for genocide. Advantage...Frollo!

Captain Hook v. Horned King. Was this a Supreme Court case? I don't remember Black Cauldron at all...but with a name like Horned King you better be able to handle a foppish pirate who gets beaten up by children.

Lady Tremaine V. Madame Medusa. I don't know. I just don't know.

Prince John V. Ursula. Ursula is one of the few Disney villain who does not have to worry about being eaten by a tiger. Or a thumb sucking lion who needed a...badger...what the hell was the Sheriff anyway? A badge or whatever to do his dirty work. Ursula.

Gov. Ratcliffe v. Scar. Ratcliffe is not a villain!! He is not included in any of the villain merchandising, including, and this is important, the comprehensive Disney villain poster! Can you point to one instance of Disney referring to him as a villain?? I can't!! ?!?!?!!!?^%^^*h

Shan Yu v. Sykes. Is Sykes another cat? Shan Yu is a huge guy with a sword who likes chopping down trees for no reason.

Queen of Hearts v. Someone. Is that Whatshername? I doubt she has ever ordered anyones head chopped off. Hey, am I forgetting someone, or is the Queen the only married villain?

Ok, I'm done. I'm trying to make a link to this on my site but it won't work. I am likely to give up easily.


At 9:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Let's see...Just a few comments:
I think Cruella was a good choice. Edgar was a butler, and I just saw on the Discovery Channel the other day that butlers are eaten by tigers more often than any other occupation.
By the way, using the tiger food factor to deterine the higher level of villainicty was pretty clever.

Amos Slade. Yeah, the worst thing he ever did was stump around shouting "Tarnation", and "Dagnabbit". In the end he was basically tamed by the little old lady next door. Besides, Frollo exploded when he died. Not too many villains can claim that.

Captain hook had one hook. The horned King had two horns. Do the math.

It's true that Lady Tremaine made a Disney princess cry, but Madame Medusa made an orphan with a raggedy teddy bear cry. You don't get much meaner than that.

Prince John sucked his thumb. Ursula sucked sea slugs. Besides, how much respect can you really have for a villain that they don't even bother to kill?

Ratcliffe is not a villain? I guess you have forgotten having your picture taken with him in the villain tent in the Toon Town character greeting area. I suppose it doesn't really matter since he doesn't match up too well against Scar anyway.

I don't really know who Sykes is either, except that I bet he would fit nicely on the end of Shan Yu's sword.

The Queen of Hearts gathered up all of her evilness and ordered the head chopped off of...a trading card. She tried to do the same to a little girl, but was easily defeated. She should have stuck with cards. Helga had only one physical weekness, balloon flying machines crashing on top of her. But I bet she could have taken Alice out.

Oh yeah, thanks for linking this at your site.


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