Twins Talk

Well, I really want to change over the you-know-whats on the side there, so I thought maybe talking a little about the TWINS, who are currently training in FORT MYERS would give it a chance.

First off I am really hoping to be able to make it down to FORT MYERS sometime in the next couple of weeks for a TWINS SPRING TRAINING game.

Here's a run down of the current projected TWINS lineup.

Catcher- Joe Mauer. Joe Mauer was selected by baseball America as the games top prospect for both '04 and '05. He also plays for the TWINS. Ok? Now that is all actually baseball code for "this guys knee is made of cardboard". Seriously I have zero confidence in this guy ever performing for us. He will hang around for a few years playing sixty games a year and giving interviews about how his rehab is going. Then managment will finally get frustrated and trade him to New York where he will suddenly get healthy and become productive. Then we can read articles in Sports Illustrated about his long difficult journey. There is a 98.6 percent chance of this happening.

First Base- Justin Morneau. I will miss Doug Minteviexzcewie. The other TWINS infielders seemed incapable of ever making good throws to first, so every play resulted in "Minty" doing a full splits and pulling the ball out of the dirt to get the out. What really sucks is that last year they kept saying how they would trade him, but when tehy couldn't get any good offers they just traded him for some scrub because they pretty much had to by that point. And why can't ballplayers come up with good nicknames for their teammates? Everyone just gets their last name chopped in half, with a 'y' added to the end. If I was a majorleauge ball player I'd be Storky. Cool.

Second Base- Luis Rivas. Aren't we all waiting for Luis to get some experience and really put it all together? It's not going to happen is it? He's been the TWINS secondbasemen for like, elventy years now, and he's still the guy who always comes to bat with two outs and the tying run on third.

Third Base- Michael Cuddyer. I have nothing to say about Cuddyer, I just want to note that his back up is TERRIBLE TERRY TIFFEE, the soon to be greatest Twin of all time. I say that based strictly on his having the best baseball name out there right now, plus the fact that he tried to take out Ivan Rodriguez in a play at the plate last year. He dislocated his shoulder and missed the rest of the year, but it was the thought that counts.

Shortstop- Nick Punto. Our shortstop is named Nick Punto.

Outfield- Shannon Stewart, Torii Hunter, Jaques Jones- If these guys played in New York we would be bombasted with constant articles about the best outfield in the game. I will be most wroth if I cannot get Hunter, excuse me, Huntys autograph at the TWINS SPRING TRAINING GAME.

DH- Lew Ford. I hope he knows they're saying Lewwwwwwwww, and not boooooo when he comes to bat. It would make me sad if I couldn't figure that out. but what if you want to boo him because he really sucks? He comes up to bat, you boo and he's like thanks for your support! No! You suck! Go home! Who am I talking to!?!

Rotation- JOHAN SANTANA (FIND THE BEST JOHAN SANTANA DEALS ON EBAY!) "Bad" Brad Radke, Carlos Silva, Kyle Lohse, Joe Mays. First off, I was stunned to find out that Joe Mays wasn't traded like two years ago. Seriously, wasn't he? Did we get him back? Did you know he was an All Star in '01 finishing third in ERA starts and innings pitched? Did you? And arent well just waiting for Kyle Lohse to get some experience and put it all together one of these years? Yeah, that will happen. As long as he isn't eaten by a tiger.

Closer- Joe Nathan. Joe Nathan has the most boring name in baseball history.