That's Right, I'm A Chef!

Blog long dead

2009-01-18T14:41:00.000-06:00

Scare much?

2007-09-08T21:47:00.000-05:00

Just had to revive this blog to put up this ad I found.

It's a banner ad for some identity theft protection software. There is a line of people, you mouse over them and a little label pops up saying what mundane activity they did (using their ATM) and what happened when their identity was stolen as a result. The absolute best one was this lady- (click the picture for best results)

I'm not saying that isn't technically possible. But really, you might as well have just said "Got out of bed that morning- HIT IN FACE BY ASTEROID"

Pssst

2007-07-08T20:38:00.000-05:00

Here's some search terms that have accumulated while I've been on permanent blog vacation-

"football shaped building" This one came from one of my loyal readers in the Czech Republic. I assume they got here because I am always talking about the Football Hall of Fame. (I wonder if this also explains all the hits I got from people searching for "building that looks like it's wearing the Pope's hat"?)

"nick punto sucks". Aww, be nice to Punty.

"fry sleep with leela" When Futurama comes back on the air next year, I don't think I'll be able to enjoy it because all I will be able to think about are the sheer number of people who are also watching it, but also whacking off.

"what does sexy mama mean?" Ok....pull up a chair, we got a long night ahead of us.

"chef dumpsters" I'm actually curious about this one. Are they looking for info on Chefs dumpster diving? A Chef with the last name of Dumpsters? A receptacle for throwing away large amounts of used cooks? This crap keeps me up at night.

"pineapples are really annoying" *high fives*

2007-04-28T00:53:00.000-05:00

25 Apr 22:19:42 www.google.com ben chef rochester 2005_03_12_archive.html
25 Apr 22:19:23 www.google.com ben chef rochester 2005_03_12_archive.html
25 Apr 22:19:08 www.google.com ben chef rochester 2005_03_12_archive.html
25 Apr 22:18:50 www.google.com ben chef rochester 2005_03_12_archive.html
25 Apr 22:18:11 www.google.com ben chef rochester 2005_03_12_archive.html
25 Apr 22:18:03 www.google.com ben chef rochester 2005_03_12_archive.html
25 Apr 22:17:31 www.google.com ben chef rochester 2005_03_12_archive.html
25 Apr 22:16:50 www.google.com ben chef rochester 2005_03_12_archive.html
25 Apr 22:16:21 www.google.com ben chef rochester 2005_03_12_archive.html
25 Apr 22:16:15 www.google.com ben chef rochester 2005_03_12_archive.html
25 Apr 22:11:43 www.google.com ben chef rochester 2005_03_12_archive.html
25 Apr 22:11:33 www.google.com ben chef rochester 2005_03_12_archive.html
25 Apr 22:11:17 www.google.com ben chef rochester 2005_03_12_archive.html
25 Apr 22:11:06 www.google.com ben chef rochester 2005_03_12_archive.html
25 Apr 22:10:59 www.google.com ben chef rochester 2005_03_12_archive.html
25 Apr 22:09:39 www.google.com ben chef rochester 2005_03_12_archive.html
25 Apr 22:22:04 www.google.com ben chef rochester 2005_03_12_archive.html
25 Apr 22:21:23 www.google.com ben chef rochester 2005_03_12_archive.html
25 Apr 22:21:19 www.google.com ben chef rochester 2005_03_12_archive.html
25 Apr 22:21:11 www.google.com ben chef rochester 2005_03_12_archive.html
25 Apr 22:20:28 www.google.com ben chef rochester 2005_03_12_archive.html
25 Apr 22:19:56 www.google.com ben chef rochester 2005_03_12_archive.html
25 Apr 22:19:50 www.google.com ben chef rochester 2005_03_12_archive.html

Hi.

Thanks for the memories

2007-04-28T00:45:00.000-05:00

What a corny thing to say.

Anyway, this blog is being closed for the forseeable future. I have nothing interesting to talk about, and no time to not talk about it.

I'm not going to delete it, as I may reopen it sometime down the line for a secret project I have been working on.

Until then, I will occasionally update it to serve as a museum of ludicrous search terms.

Fare thee well.

Overheard on the Radio

2007-04-17T15:04:00.000-05:00

(sappy music plays)"....and our thoughts and prayers are with all the victims of the Virginia Tech shooting and their families.....And now, getting back to the music here's .38 Special!"

2007-04-15T03:37:00.000-05:00

15 Apr 01:46:33 www.google.ca- ugly asian lady
I mention this only because a) I am one of only five sites that come up with this search (And the only one who is talking about Sandra Oh) an because b)the google ad in the side bar is probably the best ever-

Meet Someone Who Makes You
Smile! Try Ugly Asian Women.

Oh, Derek Geter

2007-04-09T04:46:00.000-05:00

I get hits for 'Derek Geter" fairly often. Thats nothing new, I designed it that way as an odd little experiment. However, I was curious what else came up for that search besides my site, so I followed the appropriate link. I noticed one site in particular, which had this preview-

At our last fundraiser, he brought autographed baseballs by Derek Geter, Hedeki Matsui, Jose Posada, Bernie Williams and Joe Torre. ...

I love it. Whoever this guy is, I just imagine him standing outside the fundraiser, talking to some guy on the corner, frantically trying to come up with something to donate.

"Derek Geter? Sure I got him. Hedeki Matsui, Jose Posada, yeah no problem. I also got some balls from Marky Mantle and Joe Dismashio."

The Worst Job of All Time

2007-04-07T23:14:00.000-05:00

Awhile back I read this article on the worst jobs in the history of England. I especially liked this one, Roman Era Gold Miner-

This position involves extremely long hours in terribly cramped conditions, in the middle of nowhere, up to 25 metres (82 feet) below ground. Gold is extracted from seams deep beneath the earth's surface using a tiny iron pick that showers you with razor-sharp splinters that will almost certainly blind you. Fires are regularly set to speed up the gold extraction, and if you're not burnt or choked by the fire, you may be maimed or killed by the subsequent explosion as water hits the hot rock.

You have to carry huge amounts of mined spoil on your back through low, narrow tunnels to the surface. You may be crushed by falling rocks at any time. Only slaves or prisoners need apply.

Still not convinced? Read what Peter L Bernstein, author of The Power of Gold: The history of an obsession, has to say:

The best description we have of the horrors experienced by the workers in these mines has been provided by Diodorus, a Greek who visited Egypt about the time that Caesar ruled Rome. The air in the shafts was foetid, constantly depleted by the tiny candles that barely illuminated the terrible darkness. The heat was intense, the earth frequently gave way, quartz in the rock released arsenic fumes that caused excruciating deaths among the many who inhaled them. The slaves had to work on their backs or sides and were literally worked to death if they were not crushed to death by falling rocks before they expired from exhaustion.

For some time I felt this was probably the worst job in human history. Until now.

I picked up a side job doing transcriptions of audio interviews for a legal firm. Why I thought this was a good idea, I don't know. Now my nights are spent huddled over my keyboard, furiously mashing the keys as I struggle to stay no more than two sentence behind whoever is talking.
I had to sign a non-disclosure form, so I can't talk about the interviews, but OH MY GOD I didn't know human beings could be so utterly boring, and bloviate at such length on subjects no one could possibly find interesting. And I have like 30 hours to go still. Hell, I need to go download a fresh batch of files to start right now. I just finished the most recent one last night (after the computer crashed 1/3 of the way through the job, scrapping all my work.)
Also, I have to play the files at .5 speed to even have a chance at staying caught up, so everybody sounds like they're stoned. Although for laughs I can play it at 1.5 and everyone sounds like they're coked up.

2007-04-04T04:13:00.000-05:00

3 Apr 10:08:04 www.google.com-hand drawn pics of fry and leela having sex

3 Apr 15:46:03 www.google.co.uk- futurama amy and leela sexy fanfic

Goodbye my faith in humanity.

Seriously, its because of this I am so unsure how I feel about Futurama coming back. It was the most good hearted, clever, enjoyable show you'll ever watch, and I have to think about the fact that someone, somewhere, is whacking off to it.

2007-04-02T01:41:00.000-05:00

30 Mar 11:45:04 www.google.ca- my eyeball is bleeding: I'm pretty sure this was not the correct course of action. Though given the Canadian health care system, maybe it was.

28 Mar 20:31:56 www.google.com- defeather pigeons: Chalk up one more thing I'm the Internets leading authority on.

28 Mar 09:59:24 www.google.com-raven symon need to stop having babies with guys and practice on that's so raven: Damn straight. I been saying this for awhile. Stupid "Raven Symone".

29 Mar 23:36:57 www.google.com- mentally handicap chef: Meh.

1 Apr 13:35:50 www.google.com-pocahontas jumps off the cliff photos: You're a bad person.

Yo

2007-03-27T14:01:00.000-05:00

Election time in USG means no free time for Ben. It's hard running for New England senate and trying to work as many Animal House Quotes as possible into your speeches.

26 Mar 13:18:38 www.google.co.uk- dave chapman chef I'm always getting hits from people searching for some chef whose name is comprised of words I've happened to say on this site. But this guy! I actually worked for a Chef Dave Chapman! Long time readers (i.e. members of my family, i.e pretty much everyone here) might remember him as Chappy for Disney World. Since this search came from the UK, he might not be looking for the same guy, but I assure you my Chapman is cooler.

26 Mar 02:06:46 www.google.com- 300 arooo spartans Heh. Whatever the Spartans battle cry from the movie is, I'm pretty sure it's not the noise Nixon makes on Futurama.

26 Mar 10:02:21 www.google.co.zm- nasty and funny short stories and jokes for a cheating husband- I'm sorry your husband is cheating on you in Zambia, bit I hope you enjoyed the site!

2007-03-25T13:49:00.000-05:00

Seeing as how nothing remotely interesting has happened to me in the last two weeks, let's take a look at that old fallback, keywords.

25 Mar 09:50:33 www.google.com what are the names of the trains in big thunder mountain The odd thing about this is, if you search for it the answers are right there in front of your face. The very first page that comes up is a Thunder Mountain FAQ that advertises listing the names of the trains. You actually have to go quite a ways to get here. That's some real dedication to learning about Thunder Mountain.

24 Mar 08:32:43 www.google.com cersei lesbian sex Oh yeah. This is obviously a result of me panning the juvenile and pointless lesbian sex scene when I reviewed a Feast For Crows. I was going to say "Sorry you won't find any explicit fan art renditions of that here" but then it occurred to me there probably are some out there somewhere.

24 Mar 02:24:24 www.google.com.au torii the baseballer Oh, those charming Aussies!

24 Mar 13:06:21 www.google.fr extract music from oh my darling clementine No, I'm just as confused as you are.

Whaddya Know?

2007-03-23T02:57:00.000-05:00

My demands to 'stop it' actually worked.

22 Mar 21:35:08 www.google.com- retarded ch

And just in time!

Why am I so paranoid?

2007-03-22T19:48:00.000-05:00

I stopped by the store today because I was out of toothpaste. After I picked it up, I was looking at the toothbrushes, and it occurred to me that mine could use replacing. So I grabbed one too. Then, as I'm leaving the aisle, I spot bottles of mouth was and I figure I might as well grab one of those while I'm there.
But after I pick it up I get this mental image in my head, where I go up to the register to pay, and the cashier looks at my stuff and says "Oh, someone must have told you that you have bad breath."

I put the mouthwash back, and paid for my stuff without ever opening my mouth.

I REALLY can't help you with this...

2007-03-21T01:35:00.000-05:00

21 Mar 00:27:25 www.google.com-i'm a guy need a prom date

Hey! It's Not Funny Anymore!

2007-03-20T22:15:00.000-05:00

When I get search engine hits from "funniest chef" it's cool.

When I get them for "retarded chef", it's less so.

Now, it's just gotten personal.

20 Mar 00:17:09 www.google.co.uk- worst chef

As to some of the other terms I've gotten recently, yes I worked at Disney World but I didn't steal anything on the way out so I can't help you with "tower of terror props". Sorry. I don't know any chefs named Carlos Rodriguez, Mark Silverman, Ben Jenkins or Thomas Burns. Sorry. I'm sure they're all awesome dudes though. I have done cartoon drawings of chefs, but I'm afraid not any wall size ones. Sorry. And even though I once spelled 'philosopher' wrong, I can't help you find your "philosepher niche". Sorry.

Bad '90s Lyrics

2007-03-19T14:04:00.000-05:00

I know this has probably been pointed out a million times before, but I've heard this song quite a bit lately, and it's really bugging me.

I wish that I could fly
Into the sky
So very high
Just like a dragonfly

I'd fly above the trees
Over the seas in all degrees
To anywhere I please

Lenny, a dragonfly gets like, 10 feet off the ground.

Bad 80's lyrics

2007-03-19T02:16:00.000-05:00

Moving forward using all my breath
Making love to you was never second best
I saw the world crashing all around your face
Never really knowing it was always mesh and lace

It's bad enough that thanks to Burger King I can't hear this song without thinking of cheeseburgers, but come on? Making love to you was never second best? Yeah, that will get you back in the sack.
On the other hand, I too never realized that all that stuff crashing about your face was in fact, mesh and lace.

Googlecrap

2007-03-17T04:07:00.000-05:00

What does Google have to say about Ben? Let's see:

1.Ben is a charming and witty ubergenius with enough confidence and tenacity to turn this town on its head and to do some real good while hes at it.

2.Ben Is Dead

3.Ben is leaving the building

4.Ben is not a building in danger

5.Ben is asked to return to Bryan Medical School in Miami and finish out the term of an eccentric professor whose body was found in a canal near the school.

6.Ben is a much better alum of Miami U than Wally Z.

7.BEN is already astonishing users with its ability to bring amazing clarity and quality to audio production while providing flexibility and features like no other studio clock before!

8.Ben is back, badder than ever

9.Ben is a huge techno-geek, and his love for something is often based on how many LEDs it has.

10.Ben Is Right Again

Gotta say, I think 1 come closest to describing me. Maybe 5 too, though it sure sounds like a lot of work. I have to agree with 6 though. Wally Z is a douche!

Also...

2007-03-15T23:31:00.001-05:00

If you don't feel like wading through all those Futurama quotes just scan about 2/3 of the way down for the top 20.

Futurama

2007-03-15T23:00:00.000-05:00

Since I have nothing else to talk about right now, here are my 10 favorite lines from the most underloved show in history. I didn't exactly have some scientific system for this. I just went with lines that were funny, memorable, and that I actually use in real life situations. I also tried to stay away from longer gags, and just keep them to a few lines maximum.
Honorable Mentions:

Absolutely anything said by Hedonism Bot.

Fry A: You mean you flipped a coin too? And it was tails? So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost.

Professor Farnsworth: Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why, why, why didn't I break his legs?

Zapp Brannigan: When I'm in command, every mission's a suicide mission!

Zapp Brannigan: The key to victory is discipline, and that means a well made bed. You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep.
Fry: You mean while I'm sleeping in it?
Zapp Brannigan: You won't have time for sleeping soldier, not with all the bed making you'll be doing.

Robot Santa: Your mistletoe is no match for my TOW missile!

Amy: Fool me seven times, shame on you. Fool me eight or more times, shame on me.

Leela: Nooo! Ahh! Fire hot!!
Professor: The Professy will help! Ohhh, fire indeed hot!

Alien: Hey, I'm a porno-dealing monster. What do I care what you think?

Dr. Zoidberg [to Fry]: Now what?
Fry: Tell her she looks thin.
Dr. Zoidberg: You seem malnourished. Are you suffering from intestinal parasites maybe?
Edna: Yes, thanks for noticing.

Fry: My fellow fish monsters, far be it for me to question your stupid culture and its idiotic customs, but will using a giant nutcracker to squeeze each other's brains out solve anything?

Fry: Psst! Leela! You've got to get me out of here! It's horrible! Eating scraps; letting my waste drop wherever it falls, like an animal in a zoo!
Leela: Animals go in the corner.
Fry: The corner! Why didn't I think of that?

Morgan: That form isn't about you. It refers to my high school prom date. It was a regulation date that ended in regulation disappointment.
Hermes: Yes, but you only stamped it four times!
Morgan: No! No! I was young and reckless.

Fry: Look, the food isn't what's important.
Tinny Tim: I'm so hungry.

Bender: Yes! I'm gonna be rich! [looks at Fry] You too, but its hard to get excited about that.

Fry: You know what the worst part of being a slave is? All you do is work but you don't get paid. Leela: Fry, that's the only part of being a slave.

Albert: Ladies and gentlemen, something very strange has just happened in this basketball game between space clowns and atomic monsters.

Farnsworth (shouting) Ooh! [The anteaters start to eat him.] Oh, you've killed me! You've killed me!
Leela: Oh, God! What have I done?
Farnsworth: I just told you, you've killed me!

Bender: Save my friends! And Zoidberg!

[Hermes is threatening to jump off a building.]
Planet Express Crew: No! Don't jump!
Bender: Do a flip!

Zapp Brannigan: This whole sector is uncharted.
Kif: It is not uncharted, you lost the chart.

Professor Farnsworth: Now, be careful, Fry. And if you kill anyone, make sure to eat their heart to gain their courage. Their rich, tasty courage.

Lrrr: This concept of "wuv" confuses and infuriates us!!!!!

Martian Chief: I am "Singing Wind" leader of the Martians.
Zapp Brannigan: Take me to your leader.
Martian Chief: …moving along…

Fry: Uh, just so we'll know, who's the enemy?
Zapp: A valid question. [The lights come back on.] We know nothing about their language, their history or what they look like. But we can assume this: They stand for everything we don't stand for. Also, they told me you guys look like dorks.
Bender: They look like dorks!

Sal: Hey, sexy mama, let's get busy and freaky in that order!
Fry: Hey! How would you like it if Leela said you were sexy and she wanted to have sex with you?
Sal: Eh, I gots five minutes. She looks pretty good for a truck stop chick!
Fry: You take that back! She does not look good for a truck stop chick!
Sal: Yeah, you're right. She don't gots enough meat for a guy like me.
Fry: She does too! She's loaded with meat! She's got more meat than a cow!

Professor Farnsworth: Who are those horrible orange creatures over there?
Glermo: Why those are the Grunka-Lunkas. They work here in the Slurm factory.
Professor Farnsworth: Tell them I hate them!

Farnsworth: Due to the atoms tremendous value, Planet Express would go bankrupt if it was stolen. Therefore we'll need to hire on additional security for the mission.
Flexo: Oh, oh, oh, oh! Mr. Professor, right here!
Fry: Uh, maybe we should stick with people we know and trust. I mean, Flexo's great, but-- Farnsworth: "Flexo's great," you say? Well that's good enough for me.

Hermes: Where in Funkytown is the Professor?
Fry: Nothing in here but a couple of elephant skin rugs.

Robot Santa: But what about your other co-workers? Did any of you even consider Dr. Zoidberg?
Fry: No, I swear!

Wow, that went on for awhile. Let's get to the top 20 now.

20. Professor Farnsworth: If anyone needs me, I'll be in the angry dome!
I want my own angry dome...

19.[Zoidberg's house has burned down underwater.] Zoidberg: My home! It burned down! Oh, how did this happen?
Hermes: That's a very good question.
Bender: Oh, so that's where I left my cigar.
Hermes: That just raises even further questions!

18. Bender: Congratulations Fry, you've snagged the perfect girlfriend. Amy's rich, she's probably got other characteristics…
Leela: Bender! Romance isn't about money!
Bender: Oh, so it's just coincidence that Zoidberg here is desperately poor and miserably lonely? Please!
Leela: For your information, it's because he's hideous!
Dr. Zoidberg: Awww.
This one is better if you can actually watch Zoidberg throughout it.

17. Dr. Zoidberg: Hurray, people are paying attention to me!
Who hasn't said this at least once in life?

16. God: It takes a gentle touch. Like a safecracker, or a pickpocket.
Bender: Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money!
God: Exactly, if you make it look like an electrical thing.
My kind of God.

15. iHawk: Gee, Zoidberg, leave some for the enemy to kill.
Nurse: Leave Dr. Zoidberg alone! He has twice the training you do.
iHawk: Yeah, he's a doctor and a butcher! [He laughs and soldier #1 joins in. Zoidberg groans.]
Zoidberg: See, this is how it starts. First with he jokes, then comes the heavy stuff.
[iHawk laughs then turns a switch on his body from "irreverent" to "maudlin".] iHawk: When will the killing end?
Ok, I know I broke my own rule here, but sue me. It's probably the funniest part of maybe my favorite episode. "It's stuck in there with glue or something, I don't know!"

14. Fry: Hey, wait, I'm having one of those things…you know, a headache with pictures.
Leela: An idea? Fry: Mmm! Mmm hmm!
I get these sometimes. I hate them!

13. Fry: [about to serve his sentence of being sexed to death] Goodbye, friends. I never thought I'd die like this. But I always really, really hoped.
You and me both buddy...

12. Linda: I'm sure those windmills will keep them cool.
Morbo: WINDMILLS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY! GOOD NIGHT!

11. Zapp Brannigan: I am the man with no name…Zapp Brannigan, at your service.

10. Farnsworth: Oh, I don't have time for this. I have to go and buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain.
I can't wait to be old.

9. Dr. Zoidberg: I'm going to cut him, right here, [pointing at Fry's throat] in the gonads!
Fry: [to the audience] Nobody correct him!

8.Fry: Now he's trapped in a book I wrote. A crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors.
Giant Brain Spawn: The Big Brain am winning again! I am the greetest! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!
Bonus points for "I'm a giant brain!" Which I use as often as possible.

7. Fry: Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Put me in, Professor. I wanna show Leela my skills.
Farnsworth: Hmm. Will said skills pay the bills?
Yeah, I use this one a lot. A LOT.

6. Fry: It's just like the story of the grasshopper and the octopus. All year long, the grasshopper kept burying acorns for winter, while the octopus mooched off his girlfriend and watched TV. But then the winter came, and the grasshopper died, and the octopus ate all his acorns and also he got a racecar. Is any of this getting through to you?
I often try to get people to understand the wisdom here, but it never seems to get through to them either.

5. Fry: That doesn't look like an L, unless you count lowercase.
Bender: You know we don't!
I base my philosophy on life around that.

4. Fry: But existing is basically all I do!
Wait, no. I base it on this.

3. Fry: This is awesome! We're gonna be like pow-pow-pow, and they're gonna be like ... [He screams and makes explosion noises.] ... and then we'll have pancakes to celebrate and I'll be like...gronhmgronhmgornhm
That's the best pancake eating noise I can do.

2. The Grand Midwife: I will now take my leave! I live here, so I won't actually be going anywhere, but you don't have to talk to me anymore!
Not useful, but damn funny.

And my all time favorite Futurama quote....

1. Farnsworth: There'll be no further nasty. [He takes a laser out of his lab coat.] We still have the option of resorting to violence.
Hermes: What makes you think that'll work?
Farnsworth: I saw it on TV in that episode where Bender shot Calculon. How cool was that?

Three things I learned doing this:
I really love Futurama.
Fry reminds me of myself.
If there is one quote I really need to work into my daily venacular, it's that "arooo" noise Nixon makes.

So, what about you?

Yo

2007-03-15T15:31:00.001-05:00

Check back later for my massive homage to the best quotes in Futurama history.

Overheard at EB Games-

2007-03-14T01:37:00.000-05:00

The clerk answering the phone while ringing me up today-

"Hello, EB Games, where you can pick up the PS3.....No, sorry we don't have any PS3's in stock."

Also, went to see 300 again. Now, I've been hearing people on the Internet bitching and moaning about the historical inaccuracies. "The Persians didn't use rhinos....they didn't show the Thebans....stupid kids are going to see this and think thats how things really went..."

Ok. Here's the thing. THE STUPID KIDS WERE ALREADY STUPID. Do you think any of them have even heard of the Battle of Thermopylae before??? Anyone can tell this is a heavily stylized account. I'd say just being aware of the battles existence is a significant step up for most.

Finally, I actually watched the Dog episode of Futurama tonight. You know the one I mean. But I guess I must be turning into a callous SOB, because I barely even cried at all.

Keyword Fun

2007-03-14T01:27:00.000-05:00

13 Mar 13:58:48 www.google.ca craig nettles expos- Unlike Derek Geter I didn't mean to misspell Greg Nettles name. Sorry dude. (Oh, and he played for the Expos in 1988, the final year of his career.)

12 Mar 17:49:09 www.google.com what does raven symone bedroom looks like Yes! But I don't know.

13 Mar 22:14:19 search.yahoo.com mentally handicapped chef
Hey! Stop that!

The F Word

2007-03-13T13:47:00.000-05:00

It was bad enough when I got a MySpace. Now I got a damned Facebook.

No, don't ask me why. It wasn't to stalk teenage girls ok??? Sheesh.

Though if you also have one, perhaps you'd like to join my Group,

I Want To Play Zap Brannigan In The Live Action Futurama Movie.

Come on, just imagine me saying it-

"I am the man with no name....Zzzap Brannigan at your service!"

Oh man, I could totally pull that off.

P.S. Going to see 300 again tonight.

Oh, Irony

2007-03-12T01:56:00.000-05:00

I was working on a side project, collecting the names of political magazines on Wikipedia. I clicked on the entry for Practical Anarachy magazine...
(Click the pic to actually see it)

The different colored link means that no Wiki article currently exists for "DIY media".

The worst song on the radio today

2007-03-10T22:41:00.000-06:00

At work we usually listen to one of those excerable "Mix" stations that play Adult Contemporary, or whatever its called. Carrie Underwood and Nickelback basically.
I could probably tolerate if it wasn't for that Hinder song "Lips of an Angel". Now, by itself this isn't the worst song ever. It's almost tolerable even. But the fact that it is played every fifteen minutes on every station makes it utterly loathsome. Even gets played on the damned country stations, because there's a damned country version of it.
The worst part about it is every time it comes on, one of the student workers who's about will invariably squeal "Ohhh, I LOVE this song!!" Argh. Damnit bitch, why are you getting excited by a song you could easily hear thirty times a day, and in fact probably do?

Also, what's up with that Carrie Underwood song about (I think) four-wheel drive, headlights and cheating? Those are literally the only three words I can understand in that song.

2007-03-10T13:40:00.001-06:00

9 Mar 21:25:22 www.google.com derek geter

Hey! One of 7 hits I got yesterday. Odd how your site gets not traffic when you have nothing interesting to say.

300

2007-03-10T01:08:00.000-06:00

Caught the midnight showing 11:59 pm Thursday, 12:01 am friday, or whenever the hell it started.

In any case I demand you see this movie. Right now. Run to the theater. Better yet, drive. And speed. If your'e not 17 use a fake ID. No wait, don't I don't want to have to put up with annoying kids while I'm getting my Spartan-on-Persian violence fix. But get someone to buy you cigarettes, because smoking is cool.

Oh, and don't say "I'll see it when it comes out on video." That doesn't work with this movie. It needs to be seen in a movie theater, as large of one as possible, preferably with a sound system that costs more than the GDP of a large, Midwestern town. It will not be the same on your lame ass TV. It sure would suck on my lame ass TV.

Damn my TV sucks, I need a new one.

Olde Tymey Base Ball

2007-03-06T22:44:00.000-06:00

I finally got around to purchasing the New Bill James Baseball Abstract, something I've been meaning to do since it first came out in 2000. But I finally had an excuse, namely, I needed a book. And I could probably spend a year reading this one.

One of the best parts are the snippets of newspaper articles from the early days of the game. My absolute favorite so far comes from a profile of a particular player- "....called "Pat" because of his fierce love of shovelling sand, and his carrying of a dinner pail."

Like Bill James said, I guess you had to be there.

ARGGHH

2007-03-05T23:32:00.000-06:00

I really dislike the phrase "banging my head against a wall", but that's the only way I can think of to describe this.
At work we tend to have a lot of leftover soup at the end of the night. So the procedure for saving it is to pour it into shallow pans, cover it, label it and put it on a rack in the cooler.

Here's the problem. Without fail, people seem to think they need to insert an extra step. Namely, "leave the soup sitting out on the counter for half an hour". Too "cool".

Ok. Look. I'm not some great chef. I'm really pretty passable at what I do. So I don't have a lot of great chefly advice to impart on you. But if I can leave you with on vital bit of culinary knowledge, it is this-

There is no reason to leave food sitting out at room temperature.

Got it? None. If it is meant to be served hot, or cold, it should never be just sitting around. Keep it hot, or keep it cold. Don't let it sit there in a temperature zone where bacteria can fester.

This seems fairly obvious to me, and yet almost every day I have to correct someone on it.

"But it needs to cool first!" they protest.

"Yes" I agree, my teeth practically grinding in futile despair "and it will do that. In the cooler."

Between 40 degrees and 140 degrees Farenheit is bad, ok folks?

HAROLD!

2007-03-04T23:23:00.000-06:00

3 Mar 14:37:00 www.google.com i'm harold dieterle gay

Harold! You finally came!! And you answered the question we've all been wondering!

Oh, thank you!!

Hey Parents

2007-03-04T00:30:00.000-06:00

Maybe I'm just grumpy from spending all day in a 3x5 box slinging nachos and hot dogs to endless waves of basketball kids but I got a beef here. Parents, the next time you send your 6 month old kid to get a slice of pizza for you, please bear this in mind-

1. Your kid is like 2'1. If I have to lean over the front of the counter to see them, maybe they aren't ready for cash transactions.

2. There are two basketball games on next to us. Your child speaks as loud as a caterpillar. Do they want nachos? Nicos? Cherry Coke? Churros? If its the last one, you're going to be disappointed, and I'm annoyed either way.

3. Your child appears too young to understand 'math' or 'basic counting' or even 'shapes. So I'd rather if they didn't correct me when I give them their change. I have a college degree, they don't.

Come to think of it, didn't I get a culinary degree specifically to get away from doing things like this? Dang, I never get what I want.

I can help you with this

2007-03-02T15:40:00.000-06:00

Unlike most search requests, this one was a result of an exact sentiment I have expressed here before.

A little experiment

2007-02-25T17:54:00.000-06:00

Jen's experience with hordes of misinformed people coming to her site searching for information on "Raven Symone" has given me a passing idea. I'm curious if I can lure confused/ignorant/creepy people to my site by planting certain search terms here.

Please bear with me, I'll let you know how it goes.

Pictures of Angeleena Jolee nude

can eating dish soap make you pregnant?

I farted on my turtle

brad pit naked pictures butt

my turtle smells funny

how many stamps does it take to mail a letter to rusia?

rushin mail order brides

hysteria fanfiction

cameron deez is pregnant?

how far is it safe to throw a turtle

does derek geter use steroids

where to buy stareoids

raven symone fanfiction here

(Maybe that last one will draw some of the weirdos away from you.)

And right back down

2007-02-23T02:07:00.000-06:00

As thrilled as I was about the post below, I am...somewhat less thrilled with discovering how quickly my site comes up upon using this search term.

Hooray!

2007-02-21T00:45:00.000-06:00

I'm not going to do a cartoon for this, but the visitor who "contributed" this search term totally made my day-

Google search for 'funniest chef blog'

I wonder if my fame has peaked at 27?

Antonia's Line

2007-02-19T22:32:00.000-06:00

This past weekend I was coerced into watching a flick called Antonia's Line. If you haven't heard of it, don't worry neither had I, though it was the 1995 Oscar winner for best Foreign Picture. That said, I consider my viewing of it, by a wide margin, the least probable thing I have ever done.

The story begins, more or less, with a woman named Antonia, and her daughter, returning to her childhood village in Holland after the end of WWII. She's inherited the family farm from her dying mother (driven mad by her cheating husband, of course)

The townsfolk include a misanthropic, aggresively atheist intellectual who thinks all children should be aborted (apparently...I think), a cruel, uncaring dogmatic Catholic preist who molests children, a happy singing priest who quits the church and goes off to have a bunch of children with a woman who's job seems to be having babies from different men, and two neighbors who would be lovers if only their religous differences didn't keep them apart.

Of course their's Antonias neighbors. One is a vile little man who tries to whore out his mentally retarded daughter and his equally vile sons. On the other side there is a caring widower, with non-vile sons, who lusts after Antonia.

So let's see. Antonia's daughter catches the older evil son raping his retarded sister and runs hm through with a pitchfork. He leaves town to, what else, join the military. Dee Dee, the sister in question goes to live with Antonia, and soon shacks up with her hired hand, a mentally handicapped young fellow, in a plot line that was maybe kinda sweet in a way, but which I found rather patronizing.

In any case, the daughter grows up and decides she wants a baby...but not a husband. So mom takes her on a field trip to the city where they find some biker guy and take him to hotel. Once there the daughter and the guy get down while mom and the guys cousin (or something...it's the lady the happy priest shacks up with later) sip tea in the garden and wait. Once done the daughter slips out and they all run off.

Gosh, lets see, what happens next? The baby grows up to be some kind of super-prodigy (with the help of the shut-in intellectual. Why anyone would want their kid hanging out with this guy is beyond me) Her mom, Antonia's daughter, is now a lesbian, I guess, and gets into with her daughters teacher.

At this point, the evil guy who went to join the army returns. He rapes the grand daughter, though this is just mentioned in passing, and never has any apparent effect on the poor girl. It does give Antonia a chance to shove a shotgun in his face. Oh and in case you missed the subtelty of him being an evil military monster, he's been wandering around in full dress uniform the whole time. Long story short, he ends up being actually murdered by his greedy brother, who in turn is kicked to death by a cow.

Super-smart grand daughter goes off, at the age of 20 or so, to be a college proffesor and sleep with communists. Eventually she gets pregnant (by someone she's related to....again, I think so anyways. I confess I wasn't focusing like a laser at all times) and returns to the family farm for my favorite scene in the whole movie.

See, throughout the film the whole family is always seen eating outdoors, at a table in the farmhouse courtyard. As the family, and their circle of friends, expands so does the table. It was a nice touch actually. Anyway, grand daughter comes to dinner one day and announces to the twenty odd people there that she's pregnant. And everyone launches into a laughing, comedic debate over whether or not she should have an abortion. Now, I don't wanna get into my own thoughts on the subject, because this isn't that kinda blog, but I'd be lying if I said I thought that was the proper response to that statement.

Well, she ends up keeping the kid (against the wishes of the shut-in philosepher, who commits suicide soon afterwards) and a whole bunch of people die. Most notably, Dee Dee's husband is killed in a tractor accident, and we get to watch her wailing inconsolably for awhile. Because I wouldn't want to enjoy this movie or anything.

In the end, Antonia dies, but not before imparting on us this important message- religion sucks, so do most men, and the army is for rapist jerks.

Actually it wasn't that bad of a movie. It had some sweet moments, if you don't mind watching a depicition of farm life as an insane liberal fantasy.

Oh and yes, this was a horrible and only slightly accurate recap of this movie. So you should watch it and decide for yourself, because I sure wasn't the target audience.

Rome II

2007-02-19T13:34:00.000-06:00

Finished with Season 1 of Rome on DVD.

I'll go ahead and say that I enjoyed it for the most part.I can tell it's going to be one of those shows that constantly raises my hopes of happiness for the characters, then dashes them against the sharp rocks of alcoholism, suicide and fiance murdering.

I gotta say though, the scene where Pullo fights off like nine gladiators (in gory detail) while Caesars slave strolls through the streets of Rome (presumably on his way to save him) had me literally sitting on the edge of my chair, just inches from the TV screen.
Of course, I was watching it in my bedroom, where my chair is already right in front of the TV, but you get the idea.

So, now I get to wait another three or four years for season 2 to come out.

And hey, whatever happened to Cleopatra?

Niches and so forth

2007-02-15T00:35:00.000-06:00

I don't know why, but I thought it was pretty cool this search term landed someone at my site.

February 6 13:12 www.google.com- yes chef no chef and I don't know chef

Really, this was a daily occurence for me.

Also, my last post actually caused someone from New Zealand to arrive here by doing a search for...."naked men". At least I assume it was my last post. I hope.

I'll leave that niche to others.

Rome

2007-02-11T13:41:00.000-06:00

That's the HBO series I'm currently watching on Netflix. I'm only 8 episodes in, so I haven't really formed a strong opinion on it yet. I will say that what "Deadwood" is to excessive profanity, "Rome" is to gratuitous sex and nudity. If you've never seen it, here's a summary of a typical episode-

Two men are standing in a courtyard talking. The camera pulls back to reveal they are both naked for some reason.

Naked Man #1: We should go have sex with some slaves, neh?

Naked Man #2: Aye, but first lets flog the slaves, then slice and eat some pig testicles.

(Cut to several scenes involving many different women, none of whom I can tell apart)

(Cut back to the two naked men having sex, with women, or maybe eachother, I don't know.)

Classing up the joint

2007-02-07T01:49:00.000-06:00

4 Feb 13:14:40 www.google.com -- harold dieterle recipes

Yeah, it's just what you expect.

Time to fill a niche

2007-02-04T23:28:00.000-06:00

This week I will attempt to answer some of the search terms that most frequently lead people to this site.

February 2 19:12 www.google.com -- are harold and leanne dating top chef?

Yes, yes they are.

I just want to say...

2007-01-31T15:28:00.000-06:00

Concerning the cartoon below- Tom Servo might be too big, and Mike may be misshapen and lean-to, but thats a pretty cool Crow silhouette I drew there.
Thank you.

Hey there

2007-01-31T01:36:00.000-06:00

Ok, I been kinda busy. The online US Government simulation I play in was going through an election cycle. And unfortunately I lost my race as Republican Governor of Texas. The upshot is it was a huge drain on my time, and I can get back to my beloved crappy cartoons.

So, here goes with a keyword search I'm pretty sure this site failed to fullfill.

28 Jan 12:55:29 www.google.com - movie about a kid who invents a bike that jumps at the push of a button

Actually, the funniest thing about this cartoon was the fact that I had to do a google image search for "bike" to remember what one looks like. You can see it helped.

This Woman Is Not Attractive

2007-01-18T22:33:00.000-06:00

I don't like Greys Anatomy. This statement is quite puzzling to many people I know (mostly women) who have a voracious love of this show. I have watched it a few times, and found it not just bad, but comically bad. Crazy, over-the-top faux-dramatic bad. But that's ok. I recognize I'm just not the shows target audience, and I move on. But there is one thing I must address. Lately I've been hearing a lot of men in the media commenting on how beautiful Sandra Oh is.

Really?

Are you sure about that? Because here's the thing about Sandra Oh- She has no face. Look. It's like somebody planed her face off. If you were going to build a face from scratch, this might be a good place to start. All the basic parts are in the general place they should be, they just need to be elaborated upon. But if you are going to talk about how beautiful a woman is, this face should not be attached to that woman.

That's all. More crappy cartoons soon.

Also, do they really refer to one of the characters as "McDreamy"?
Like, all the time? Like that's his name?

Site Updated, Niche Filled

2007-01-14T23:21:00.000-06:00

What? I haven't felt like it lately.

11 Jan 09 15:50 www.google.com- finger cut funny thought of the day

EDIT: Damn blogger, click on the picture for maximum hilarity. (Trust me, I need all the help I can get with this one)

Filling A Very Special Holiday Niche

2006-12-31T18:04:00.000-06:00

Hey there. Real quick wanted to put up something for the season. My desperate response to perhaps the most emotional and unlikely search term I have ever recieved here. Also note, if you enter this term my site comes up first. I can't imagine why. Enjoy.

Chef Ramsey touched my heart

Merry Christmas everyone!

Shrugs

2006-12-27T14:46:00.000-06:00

What? I've been busy. Well, "busy". I've been working on an Oregon Trail cartoon for another, different site. I guess when it's finished I could post it here as well.

Yeah, yeah.

2006-12-24T23:45:00.000-06:00

I'm back. New stuff up, sometime.

See ya in a few

2006-12-20T00:59:00.000-06:00

I'm heading out on a pre-Christmas mini-vacation. I'll be back sometime Sunday. Hopefully shortly thereafter, I will put up a new Niche with the best search engine term in the history of this site. It was pretty good. Merry Christmas and all that, I guess.

Lack of Niches

2006-12-19T13:48:00.000-06:00

If you're wondering where I've been lately I have been spending most of my "cartooning" time over at Spamusement. Basically its a site where people submit cartoons based on spam e-mail headlines they have recieved. I've submitted a number of cartoons so far, inlcuding ripping off a few of the ones I did here, just to get myself started. Hey, they won't know it wasn't technically spam. If you check it out, I use the username 'Sykes'. Here's what people have been saying about my cartoons-

Ha Ha, Sykes that's great.

Ha! I laughed aloud at Sykes's.

hahahaha christ. what the hell

This is horrible.

The bald guys face is pretty funny.

Ha ha!! Not bad.

Well there's a surprise... I was expecting mashed potatoes.

I very much wanted the literal interpretation, and that is very much what was dealt. You win.

I never realized Spiderman was Jewish. Good comic.

I guess I'm doing ok.

Life And Death

2006-12-15T22:49:00.000-06:00

This post not as serious as the title implies.

Way back when I was a kid, like, 15 or 70 years ago we had a Commodore Amiga computer. And we were constantly recieving a stream of pirated software for it. (Oh God. I hope one of my 5 readers isn't a lawyer for Commodore! Oh God! Is Commodore still even a viable entity anymore?!?)
One of those many, many games was something called Life and Death. It was a cute little sim that put you in the role of a young doctor making his rounds at a hospital, dealing with an incessant wave of old people with stomach pain. So you could order x-rays, do MRI's and poke them in the abdomen til they started swearing at you. Unfortunately we didn't have a 'cracked' version of the game so we couldn't attempt the games bread and butter- surgery. So, while I'm sure I wasted more time than any kid reasonably should pretending to jab old folks in the gut, I eventually got bored and forgot all about it.

Until I found it available online. Now, this is the PC version, with vastly inferior graphics and messed up sound. But hey, I figured now was my chance to fullfill a lifelong dream, or at least one I just now thought up. I would attempt surgery!

Most patients you see do not require surgery. After poking them in the stomach enought times, you are supposed to be able to tell what is wrong with them. I soon became adept at spotting the three different things people go to the hospital for (gas, kidney stones and the other thing). But finally, I began to get patients who didn't show the tell tale sign of any of these. It was time to rock!

I ended up making three attempts surgery. None of them went "particularly well" or "likely left the patient in a living state".

Attempt #1. My tries at grabbing the scalpel to get to work are constantly thwarted by my bitchy assistants who keep "reminding" me that maybe I should scrub up first. Unable to locate a sink I try what appears to be a squeeze bottle but instead turns out to be the patients IV drip. Frustrated I walk out of the OR.
For this I am sent back to medical school. There I learn that "soap is in the top drawer". Thanks. $10,000 in student loans for something the attending nurse probably could have mentioned to me.

Attempt #2. I washed my damn hands, OK? I even did the other things I learned about like putting on gloves and injecting the patient with antibiotics. It took a few tries to find the right syringe (It's the one marked 'A'!) but I was ready to go now! Grabbing my scalpel I dive in make an incision along the....well, I don't know. But it didn't look right so I tried another. Oh no, says my useless assistant. It has to be connected to the initial incision. Fine, I make another cut directly up then branch another off that at a 90 degree angle. I'm feeling pretty good about my chances here, when the "Head Of Surgery" comes in, calls me a butcher and kicks me out. Seriously.

Attempt #3. I learned at medical school that I should use the forceps to stop the bleeding after making an incision. Oh. That's how that works. So after going through the previous steps I make a nice, neat little cut in a totally arbitrary spot. Then I grab an object that looks like what I think forceps look like, and what forceps rendered in early '90's IBM graphics probably look like and shove them in. Then I sit and watch as several red circles appear and become progressively bigger. Then the Head of Surgery shows up again to chew me out, but I'm not even listening to this asshole anymore. What the hell man. Why did they have to make abdominal surgery so difficult?

I don't know how many, if any, of my patients actually died, but I definitely take comfort in the fact that I was able to put an old man with gas under observation.

EDIT: Oh yeah. The first time I tried surgery I grabbed the scalpel and my nurse shrieked "Shouldn't you put the patient under first??" Argh, you stupid bitch why are you trying to scare the poor guy???

Niche Filled, Off Site

2006-12-13T00:18:00.000-06:00

Ok Jen, here's the one from your blog- (Sorry about this)

girl loud farting dvd store

Interesting note- Despite the fact that it would almost seem mathmatically impossible, my web traffic has actually plummeted since I've started doing these. Yup, from "nearly zero" to "barely anything". Go me!

Still Filling Niches

2006-12-10T15:40:00.000-06:00

9 Dec 14:58:53 www.google.co.uk - don't want to be a chef anymore

My site comes up seventh if you do that search, which I have to say, I find slightly depressing.

If The Niche Is Filled, It Doesn't Have To Make Sense

2006-12-06T12:52:00.000-06:00

6 Dec 01:23:21 www.google.ca- bad chef accident
5 Dec 12:43:20 www.google.com- treadmill tread stopping

I will never exercise again.

2006-12-03T23:09:00.000-06:00

I seem to have pulled a muscle in my leg while treadmilling. It is I believe, and injury I first incurred several years ago while lifting heavy boxes improperly. Now, because I failed to sufficiently warm up before jogging, it is back to me plague me. Oh well, I'll just keep my beer belly forever.

In totally unrelated news I heard perhaps the worst commercial of all time on the radio today. The meat of it went something like this-

"Sure this Christmas you could make that special someone on your list open up a new phone and then make them open up a new MP3 player...but why do that when you could give them both with Chocolate from Verizon?"

Yeah. I bet you would make them open up a brand new cell phone and MP3 player on Christmas. That's just the kind of person you are. Christ, you're an asshole.

Niche, Filled?

2006-11-30T18:29:00.000-06:00

I just love helping people so I was thrilled to be recognized by Google as the Internets premiere expert on
how to tighten a tread on a treadmill. But just in case anyone missed it, let me do a refresher course.

- Notice that the tread needs to be tightened on your treadmill. This usually results after a "flailing accident".

- Do nothing but act bitter for a couple days. You would be in great shape if only things would go your way!

- Mention it to your dad.

- Your dad tightens the tread using one of those funny wrenches shaped like an 'L'.

- Your dad keeps the wrench in a manilla envelope, along with the owners manual, in the black filing cabinet.

And that's really all there is to it.

Filling that niche...eventually

2006-11-28T23:20:00.000-06:00

I know it's been a few days but damn, it's hard to come up with these shoddy cartoons when I am getting almost all my hits from the same 3 or 4 terms. I did have one cartoon half completed, til I realized one of the relevant words was actually something else entirely. Problems!

In other news, as you may have noticed, Christmas is approaching. I am not exactly looking forward to it this year, as you might guess. Unfortunately it's not the kind of thing you can easily ignore, what with the music being played on every single radio station and the 75 foot (roughly) tree in the lobby of my workplace. I do have a mini-vacation to look forward to, right before it though. I will be spending a few days in the place any Minnesotan would love to go to in the middle of winter, Detroit. Kind of a lateral move really, aside from the increased probability of being shot.

In any case, on with the crap-show.

28 Nov 22:07:38 www.google.com.au- funny names chef kitchen
28 Nov 17:07:30 www.google.com- harold dieterle

Yikes, Harold has kind of porked out, hasn't he?

Filling That Niche, Still

2006-11-24T14:39:00.000-06:00

One of my more helpful ones, if I may say so myself.

24 Nov 12:57:22 www.google.com- hells kitchen selection process
24 Nov 11:49:27 www.google.com- pointless survey

Oh Yeah, Like YOU Had A Better Idea For This One

2006-11-24T01:09:00.000-06:00

Filling That Niche 6
21 Nov 11:26:56 www.google.com- gwen frollo

Filling That Niche 5

2006-11-22T02:10:00.000-06:00

20 Nov 21:24:47 www.google.co.uk- hey i got chef as well

Filling that Niche 4

2006-11-20T23:08:00.000-06:00

19 Nov 20:55:06 www.google.com- that's right! funny

Filling That Niche 3

2006-11-18T22:39:00.000-06:00

17 Nov 18:41:16 www.google.com- what is hells kitchen winner heather doing now

Filling That Niche 2

2006-11-16T03:17:00.000-06:00

No, not a porno movie title. But rather my latest attempt to fullfill the needs of visitors who came to my site in need of information I was obviously unable to provide them. Until now.

15 Nov 11:45:29 www.google.com- harold dieterle dad
14 Nov 09:34:27 www.google.com- salad drawing

Yo

2006-11-12T16:38:00.000-06:00

I'm still alive and kicking. But I have even less than usual to talk about these days honestly. Unless you want to hear all the details of me playing Marvel Ultimate Alliance. You probably don't want to hear about that.

2006-11-05T22:46:00.000-06:00

The weekend is almost over, and I'm ok.

I have a slight headache from sleeping too much, but otherwise I guess I'm doing fine. Something happened Saturday that was hard to do but I am very glad happened. And I'll leave it at that and just say again, that all things considered, I guess I'm doing alright.

And no, I haven't watched any of the new season of Top Chef. Sorry.

2006-11-04T18:38:00.000-06:00

It's Saturday and I'm ok.

Happy Update Indeed

2006-11-01T13:52:00.000-06:00

I used the treadmill last night with no disasters!

Ok, a leg cramp compelled me to cut my session short, but only by about three minutes. So that's a win folks!

Ben Day is coming

2006-10-31T01:15:00.000-06:00

When I was engaged, it seemed like my wedding day would never get here. Now that I'm not, I just want the day to come and be gone.
I understand that my ex is going to go on a mini-vacation with some friends, and she's advised me to try something similar. I do have some standing offers from friends to party with them. I think I will be going in a different direction.
I've decided to basically lock myself in my bedroom and play video games all day. Hey, I don't know how I am going to feel on that day, and I may not want to be having fun. And I don't want to be a downer for anyone. So I will be killing my brain for the day, without the use of alcohol. Hey, it's my plan. I call it Ben Day.
Anyone needing to get in touch with me on that day, use my cell phone. I intend to unplug my house phone.
Happier updates later, hopefully.

Why Can't Ben Excersise?

2006-10-28T01:11:00.000-05:00

I recently became inspired to try and get back in shape, after noticing I would get fatigued while walking and talking at the same time. A problem, this was.
The solution, I figured was the old treadmill in my room. Surely this would do!

1st time I use the treadmill- Can't figure out how to turn it on. Become discouraged, quit.

2nd time- Shown how to turn on treadmill. Unbeknownst to me, the tread has become very loose. I only learn this after the impact of my feet causes the tread to stop completely, hurtling me into the handlebars.

4th time- I've learned how to tighten the tread! I'm feeling better, and may have even lost weight! Too bad the vibrations from my footsteps cause my alarm clock to fall from my bedstand onto the tread, and collide violently with my foot.

5th time (Last night)- Everything is going great! I can jog a mile without feeling like I'm dying! Oh no! The power just went out in my bedroom only. Hello again Mr. Handlebars!

I am feeling better these days though. Various treadmill related injuries aside.

2006-10-23T23:34:00.000-05:00

Gee, now that I've posted it that last post was a bit of downer, no?

Well here's something cool. I am now the worldwide authority on Vin Diesel intoning "I live my life one quarter mile at a time."

Don't ask me why I know this.

Damn You Commercial Radio, Damn You

2006-10-23T23:22:00.000-05:00

I'm so glad that the Soft Rock station which mostly plays at work has decided to incessentaly play "Goodbye My Lover" by James Blunt.

It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.

Thanks radio, you're really helping with the healing process.

Blogging

2006-10-18T23:22:00.000-05:00

I kind of forgot, but one of the reasons I stopped blogging was I could no longer even pretend I had anything remotely interesting to say.

So I'm not really sure what I should be talking about anymore. "Dear Blogger- I'm not getting married anymore and amy very sad. Will write more later."

Somehow I don't think that will suppport my whopping 100 hits a day I average.

On one note, after the Twins phenomonal regular season run, it's a little sad that I am taking only one positive memory away from the postseason. It comes in the form of a comment I made while a Tigers fan I know online was gloating about their pennant win.

"And if the Tigers had just done their job and lost to the Yankees, Corey Lidle would still be alive. How good do you feel about it now?"

Burn, Person In Michigan I've Never Actually Met! BURN!

Shane! Come back Shane!

2006-10-15T22:04:00.000-05:00

I always hate it when people come to my site looking for something I obviously could not provide. I feel so guilty. Why couldn't I help them? Well, maybe it's not too late!

14 Oct 06:21:25 www.google.co.nz chefs bad finger cuts
12 Oct 21:08:05 www.google.com drawing of chefs face and hands

Who do I know in California?

2006-10-12T01:17:00.000-05:00

Because someone in LA has been googling my name a lot lately. Since I have a reasonably unique name, and if you google it only my site is returned, I can't help but feel this person knows me. So...are you out there?

Oh, why not?

2006-10-11T13:41:00.000-05:00

I guess I could take a hack at this again. On a whim I was just checking my stats for this page, and was surprised to see I am still getting a fair number of visitors. Especially from India. Hmm.

So, suffice to say,my future has changed considerably. And we'll leave it at that.

Let's see if we had any good keywords from the statcounter log shall we?

Eh, not really....

Funny Chef Names- Well, I once had a chef I sometimes called Cheffy Cheffington. Does that count?

how does posture affect chefs- Personally, I'm too damned tall for this business. I have to hunch over to do anything, resulting in a lot of back pain during long days. So....use good posture if you are a chef.

baseball players go off to wwii- Yes....they did.

Harold Dieterle gay (x4)- No. Still, no.

Is a lot of fan baby chef- No, not many fan baby chef.

Ohhh, I'm so glad I came back.

Hello

2006-08-25T23:19:00.000-05:00

I'm doing ok. I just started work at my new job, which is helping.

I guess I should update certain aspects of my sidebar....

I will probably return to blogging in the near future, my heart just isn't in it too much right now, and I have certain other obligations eating up my online time these days.

Ok. I'm back.

2006-08-14T20:16:00.000-05:00

Sorry. Just couldn't let the absolute insanity of the Hell Kitchen Finale go uncommented upon. I almost wish I was recapping this, it's just so ridiculous. A few thoughts as I watch the show in progress.

- "Oh, Mom and Dad! I haven't seen you in ten days!!! AIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!!" And what, Virginia is married to Fallen Angel Christopher Daniels?

- I never, ever want to hear another thing about how great Virginias pallete is. Especially since her reputation seems to be based soley upon that single taste test challenge she won. You know, the one where she correctly identified chicken, hot dogs and swiss cheese. Yeah. Awesome.

- I can't remember ever seeing a reality TV finale where I didn't want either finalist to win. I mean, last year, I didn't want Ralph to win, but come on, if he had I would have been able to say "Well, I guess he earned it." No matter who wins, I'll be shaking my head. The Idiot or the Spaz? Oh gee, who should win???

- Ok. Ok. Seriously. Wait. Ok. I thought for a few minutes that the greatest moment in HK history was destined to be the guy totally blowing off Virginias "High Five!" during the taste test in Vegas. But no. She one-ups herself during the team selection process by explaining she picked Giacomo because he was weak and if she picked him it might give him self confidence. Or as an alternate strategy you could not pick him. Just a thought. But wait! Virginia then one-ups herself again when during her first huddle with her new team she casually informs them that she picked them because they are all weak competitors. Now I was busy screaming in laughter but I think she may have even done it again when Keith said something to the effect of "You think I'm weak?" and she responded that no, but he could carry Tom and Giacomo. Priceless. You can't pay for this kind of entertainment.

- I did like Heather walking out in disgust when Virginia was doing the stuffed animal voices. Second most sensible thing anyone ever did this season.

- Tom- "I'm 42 years old. I don't need someone to motivate me to do my job." My Mother- "Maybe that why you don't have a job." Indeed.

- Tom freaking out over his cut finger? Seriously, I am looking at my hands right now and I can see a freakin' aluminum foil cut that bled more than that. Christ.

- My mother points out how insanely stressful the job seems. I note that I typically don't have a coked up Limey screaming over my shoulder when I work.

- I really, really like Virginias "Keep telling your staff how bad they are" strategy. Let's see if it pays off!

- It didn't. Heather spazzes out of course, but at least this one makes sense.

- No reaction shot of Virginia I see. I only mention that because the shot of ralph, his head slumped against his door after Michael won, was for me the most poignant image from all of last season. I ripped on Ralph all last year but for that one moment I totally identified with him.

- Keith pretty much sums up the whole season with his quote near the end. "I wanted to help Virginia win because I wanted to win $1,000." Which is the most sensible thing anyone said this year.

- Attention FOX: Next year, put the people from Top Chef on this show. Who would YOU rather watch during dinner service? Lee Anne and Harold Dieterle or Sweaty Tom and Larry the Fishmonger? Exactly.

Maybe more updates later. We'll see.

Sorry Everyone

2006-08-09T11:47:00.000-05:00

Given the small readership of this site, odds are you probably already know what happened. And as you might guess I will be essentially abandoning this site. Maybe once things are back on track, I will pick it up again, I don't know. Thats a long ways away.
Take care everyone.

Things I learned today

2006-08-04T20:21:00.000-05:00

1. If you have a blister on your finger, and are popping it with a pin, try and point it away from your face.

2. Barring that, at least close your mouth for chrissakes.

Very Quickly

2006-08-01T17:12:00.000-05:00

Hmmm, I've actualyl found ten free minutes at work, might as well blow it on a few Hells Kitchen thoughts.

- I was gravely concerned at the end of Mondays episode that they were going to pull a fast one and eliminate Keith or Kevin or whatever his name is. Thus leaving us with a field of Wild Eyebrow Lady, Dippy Glasses Girl and The Other One. Which would not have been so much interesting. But no, the genius of ironic comedy survives. I seriously can't believe one of them is going to get their own restaurant. Who is putting up the money on this???

- Keith's ironic comedy genius- "It's just K-Grease and the bitches!" See, it's hilarious if you look at him my way...

- I guess Virginia didn't have to buy the others stuff on her shopping spree but she really should have gotten Keith something nicer than a six dollar crab cracker. Now that I think about it, it was actually pretty lame of her.

- I just want to say I made some awesome bruschetta and smoked chicken salad today. As K-Grease would say, they were slammin'.

Ow, my IQ.

Here's whats up

2006-07-28T09:56:00.000-05:00

My chef at work quit this Wednesday, kinda out of the blue. I've got a world of crap raining down on me right now as a result. I'm really deep-fried mentally and emotionally and I just don't have the time or energy for this right now. I will try to get a post up sometime soon as I do have an announcement to make, but I don't wanna commit myself to anything definite.

Time to start another streak

2006-07-25T09:39:00.000-05:00

So on our way back from Chicago we stopped at one of those cheese shops that dot the highways throughout the Wisconsin. I don't really remember what we got besides a certain horseradish cheese spread which would soon be disagreeing with me. To make a long story short, if you remember my previous tale of food poisoning, my most recent no-puking streak was a lot shorter than my last one.

2006-07-21T12:46:00.000-05:00

Goin' to Chicago for awhile.
Be back Monday.

On Second Thought...

2006-07-20T19:39:00.000-05:00

I ain't doing any more Hells Kitchen recaps. Sorry, but I'm just not enthused to do it this season. I still like the show but not nearly as much as last season. All of the women are horrendously irritating, to the point I am wishing all of them are booted in succession, preferably with as much humiliation as possible. Ramsay just seems to be yelling to no real purpose, other than yelling has simply been established as his thing. The remaining guys are somewhat better but does anyone see either Keith or Garret as executive chef at a Las Vegas hotel? Keith is pretty amusing if you just assume he is simply being ironic in his behaviour. In fact, it makes him pretty damned hilarious. I will continue to comment upon the show, but that is all. Sorry.

Deadwood Again

2006-07-19T19:50:00.000-05:00

Season 2 of Deadwood is out on MVP at Hollywood Video so I've started slogging through it. Why? I guess I have to.
The funny thing about the show is after I watch a couple episodes I get moments like today when my chef walked into the kitchen while I was preparing some banquet stuff.

Chef: How we doing?

Me: I toil on at an unabated pace.

Chef: What?

Me: There have been no exteraneous interruptions in my progress thus far.

Chef: What?

Me: I'm fine.

2006-07-18T15:26:00.000-05:00

Ok, Ok I'll recap it. When I have time. Knowing me, that will be never. But more likely tonight.

I would really be remiss if I failed to mention the best line from last weeks episode though-
"Hot dogs are slammin'." -Keith

Twins crap....

2006-07-15T10:59:00.000-05:00

Twins won in 10 innings last night, which was quite nice to see. Everyone has pretty much cooled down from their collective white-hot June and their recent record reflects that. Also nice to see Jason Tyner getting the game winning hit after being called up that very day. (In fact he had just got done playing in the AAA All-Star Game). Looks like Gardenhire is finally going for that "All Jason" lineup. Justin Morneau will probably be allowed to play, as well as Johan Santana, but Joe Mauer might ought to change his name to Joeson. Just a thought.

Take This Baseball Quiz!

2006-07-13T19:02:00.000-05:00

Right here.

I wouldn't normally admit it, but I scored a dismal 36/50. Upon review I missed two of them because I was reading too fast and another two that were just brain farts. I know who holds the single season record for stolen bases, really I do...

No Recap

2006-07-13T07:52:00.000-05:00

Never mind, I dont wanna do it this week. What? You want bloated, 15 page tv recaps, go to Television Without Pity. I've been so damned busy at work lately cranking out two 175 person banquets a day, and I don't feel like spending my one day off typing up a tv show.
Anyways, Rachel has a terrible dinner service and despite a relatively positive pep talk from chef, gets sent home. Also, Chef shares a tender 'do you know how good you could be?' moment with Keith. I would probably mock it if not for the fact that I would gladly kill another human being if that would get Gordon Ramsay to say something like that to me.
I have like, 19 different great things to write about, if I can ever find the time.

Yo

2006-07-11T16:03:00.000-05:00

I'm around. But work suddenly exploded sending me from 'no hours per week' to 'maybe I should just bring a pillow and toothbrush with me now' pretty much out of nowhere. And that will continue for the immediate future. Hells Kitchen Episode 5 Recap hopefully up tonight.

Wedding news? Most honeymoon plans finalized and reservations made. Details later,maybe.

Finally, an Honest and True Review of A Feast For Crows

2006-07-06T12:07:00.000-05:00

Been meaning to do this for awhile. I just hate typing...

I actually don't own AFFC. I read it in shifts at the local Barnes and Nobles here in town. What? I bought the first three, why can't I get this one for free? And in the end, I'm very glad I didn't pay anything to read this.

First let me say that I was not disappointed by what seems to be the main complaint I have read of the book. Namely, that Martin spilt the fourth book in half, making AFFC focus only on about half of the main characters, and omitting the rest (who will be covered in the next book, which will of course omit those covered in AFFC....ugh, I could have phrased that all better.) I knew about this well in advance and while it's a bit of a letdown I understand why he did it. So no real complaints from me there. As for every single other aspect of the book, I have complaints. Lets break it down by Point Of View (POV) characters, starting with those I enjoyed most and continuing downwards. Ok?

NOTE: If you haven't read AFFC but intend to, I may, ahem, spoil some things for you, so be warned.

-Jaime. I can at least say that I found Jaimes chapters to be weel written. There is some nice character development etc etc. Of course throught his entire storyline nothing happens. I mean, nothing. There was like, an entire chapter devoted to Jaime finding out that his cousin Lancel is going to....ummmm....actually I don't remember what he was going to do, which probably means something. The very end of Jaimes storyline here was rather good, but I can't believe it took so much inaction to get to that point.
Oh, and I guess the Blackfish is still alive but knowing GRRM he'l turn up dead soon enough.

-Cersei. Holy crap, are we already down to Cersei? Man, I did not like this book at all I guess. Anyway, if you like to read about a deluded stupid bitch trying to scheme her way to the top Cerseis chapter are the ones you should skip to. I pride myself on being able to keep track of complex plots and character casts but the queens chapters just left me saying "Who? What? Why?" over and over again. Oh and about that lesbian sex scene, yeah we all knew it was coming at least its out of the way.

-Brienne. If you like to read about someone wandering the country side asking the same question over and over again, these are the chapters you should skip to. Brienne had, I looked this up, 8 chapter in the book. Really. And for what? How many pages were spent on Brienne killing a couple of very minor characters from the previous book? Like, 300? I appreciate the justice and all but I think this is were editors should come into play. Nice to see GRRM continuing his proud tradition of inflicting massive head wounds on all his characters though.

-Samwell. Wow. Sam now? Saying I enjoyed Sams chapter wouldn't just be a lie, it would begin to degrade the meaning of the word 'enjoyed'. Nonetheless, if you enjoy reading about a fat kid puking in a boat while a baby poops, Sams are the chapters you should skip to. Sam also loses his virginity at some point, which is good as we won't have to read about it ever again now.
I will give him a bonus point for that scene where he finally flips out and pounds the crap out of Daeron. That was pretty cool.

-Sansa. Sam opened up the 'agonizing to read' level so from here on out you can safely assume each subsequent POV was a chore to slog through. I maybe should have listed Sansa/Alayne above Sam because if nothing else, (and there is nothing else, trust me) she only had like, three chapters. So her crap was a little more bearable. Although perhaps the most boring parts of the entire book. But if you like reading about a kid having seizures and throwing poop at old men, these are the chapters to skip to.

-Arya. I first got an inkling that AFFC might suck when I read a preview of Aryas first chapter. The shit with her trying to eat the worm? Dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Hey, remember when Arya snuck up behind the Tickler and stabbed him to death while screaming "Is there any gold in this village?" over and over? Remember how that was like the coolest scene in literary history? Remember how I almost fell out of my chair the first time I read that? Ok, maybe not that one. Suffice to say, nothing approaching that level of awesomeness happens here. She does push a seafood cart around alot though, so maybe you'd like that.

-The various Dornishmen. The NAMES. Oh God, the NAMES. I used to really like that GRRM didn't feel the need to dumb down his stories and challenged me to remember lots of different characters. But for the love of God I do not care about the princes daughters uncles captain of the guards nephews friends adopted cousin. He just keeps throwing these endless waves of names at you and after awhile I just stopped paying attention. Don't ask me what went on in these chapters I started skimming them before too long.
Oh, and thank you for including 10 year old Myrcella in the Massive Head Injury Club. I felt the one thing this series was really lacking was more violence towards small children.

-The Iron Islanders. If you like.....hmmm. I can't even think of something crappy to mock from these chapters. Seriously, does anyone give a shit about them? Maybe I'm curious abut what happened to Theon but of course he's nowhere in this book. And don't even get me started on questioning where the hell they got enough men to do all the crap they're doing. I don't need to out myself as a bigger dork than I already have.

In conclusion. If you have not read this book, you probably now know everything relevant that happened it. Well, Loras Tyrell may or may not be dead. Like everything else remotely interesting it happened 'off camera'. Also theres a scene or two with Randall Tarly so you might want to buy it just for that. I wouldn't though. Reccomandation to avoid.

Been Away

2006-07-05T16:02:00.000-05:00

Just needed some time away. So I've been chilling at my parents house for a few days. Wow, I can't believe I just said that I'm chilling at my parents house.

Apparently no Hells Kitchen this past Monday, which is fine as I was at my nephews birthday party. He's quite cute but if you'd like to hear more about him I suggest clicking the appropiate linkage on the right.

Friday

2006-06-30T11:34:00.000-05:00

I do have something pretty cool in the pipeline, but for now I don't relly have anything interesting to talk about, or any time to do Simpsons stuff. So heres some more keyword amusement.

Harold Dieterle Is A Sous Chef Not A Top Chef- Oh, burn!

I'm Chip! I'm Dale! We're just a couple of crazy rascals out to have some fun!"- !!!

Hells Kitchen Jacuzzi Video Heather- I get a lot of variations on this one. I can only assume people are looking for that .5 second long clip of Heather shaking her butt in the Jacuzzi. On Hells Kitchen. I don't have it.

Why Was Garrett From Hells Kitchen In Prison- I'm guessing you want the answer to be something like "for being so hot". But it's probably for dealing meth. I'm just saying is all.

Gwen had a really good one to but I'll let her tell it.

Oh and I meant to mention, Gwen and I have changed our honeymoon plans to California. So if anyone has any suggestions, feel free.

Hells Kitchen Recap- Episode Four

2006-06-28T18:14:00.000-05:00

-First up, maybe I'm being a hypocrite since I so freely ripped the Twins earlier this year but how damn fun is this team to watch now? A lot, thats how much. Seriously, everything on this team is firing right now and it's just a ball to watch. Sadly the Tigers and White Sox are just as hot so the Twins are still 11 games out after winning 15 of 16. Sigh. Thats what you get when the two teams ahead of you are both on pace to win 263 games this year.

-Here we go.

Giacomo is gone. I blame the girlish hair. As always everyone falls back to the dorms. Tom is pissed about being put up for elimination by the members of his team. He goes on about how much he's given up to be here. Apparently this is his fourth career. Rachel and Heather get righteously pissed off by his nonsense. They're cooks through and through and let him know. I feel ya.

Next morning at lineup Chef singles out Heather, Sara and Rachel as leaders. Virginia is less than thrilled with this. Chef is disappointed with the mens directionless work so far so he yoinks Heather from the Reds and settles her with the guys. She is then the one who is less than thrilled.

Field trip time. They're going to one of LAs most succesful restaurants. Is it Spago? No, its Pinks, a hot dog place. Which happens to feature a Gordon Ramsey Dog. Virginia doesn't order it but does remark that its probably hot and spicy just like he is. Man it was one thing last year when Chef was clearly kind of fond of Elsie, its a little different when Virginia is practically throwing herself at him.

Tom mentions working at a hot dog stand at as a kid. He is pressed into service to make an order and does so without sweating on it. After everyone has eaten their size-of-a-grown mans forearm hotdogs Chef orders them to hustle back to the kitchen as they will be opening for lunch. They do so, sans Keith who sort of, ambles his way back. Because thats how K-Grease rolls. Really, K-Grease.

The teams have just two hours to learn and prep a simplified menu. Pizza, pasta formaggio (heh) chopped steak and Caesar salad. Right before service Chef pep talks them about how lunch is all about speed. The doors open and a horde of screaming urchins pour in. Shit, lame. Tom looks like he wants to cry.

Things start out very well for everyone. Sara drops a box of plastic wrap slashing her finger on the razor. Yeah, I've done that. Tom and Garret bicker over Caesar salad drawing a stiff rebuke from Awesome Team Leader Heather. Back in Blue Kitchen Sara gets all "Give me my space!" when her team mates try to help her. I feel ya. The kids cause havoc out in the dining room as the two teams start firing their food out. A little graphic shows the tickets remaining for each team. They both clear their last tickets at about the same time. Well, its a completed service I guess. Lets see how dinner goes.

The damned kids rated the food on a 1-10 scale. The blue team scored 9.84. Guess they're easy to please. Ah, but red team scores...9.85! Heh. Thats one of those reality TV "well, maybe" moments but its still kinda funny. Blue team finally wins one. Reward: A day at an amusement park. Meh. Garret and Heather sit next to each other on the roller coaster so I guess they're cool. She's probably secretly turned on by his caveman behaviour. Various boardwalk games are partaken of and Tom does well at them.
The punishment: Clean the trashed dining room. Sara goofs off a bunch drawing Rachels ire. Eventually their sniping leads Sous Chef Mary Ann to spike a cake on the just cleaned carpet. Cool. Rachel says Sara is a bitch. Sara seems amused.

Prep time, and its all akward for the Reds. Pre-service Chef informs them that the ice machine is broken, so as their additional punishment someone will have to fetch ice when needed.

Rachel and Sara get into trouble right away as the service starts. Sara claims she didn't hear Rachels three calls for scallops. Drama! Garrets first apps are turned away at the hot plate. Chef orders him to taste his food before sending it out. Rachels first attempts flop too. Her risotto is too stiff. Garrett nails his next try but Rachels second attempt is too runny. Oops.

More crap in the red kitchen as Sara throws Virginia under the bus this time. She claims Virginia never called for a needed turbot. Chef bitches out Virginia hardcore over this while Sara laughs it up. Wow. I don't know what just happened there. Is Sara really this evil? Apparently she is as she privately fesses up to sabotaging Virginia.

On blue side Tom has started on the entrees. And he repeatedly drops the ball. I don't like his chances here. Virginia and Rachel send up some quail with the wings still on further infuriating Chef. He's so pissed he sends Rachel for ice. Blue team makes him no happier as Tom is making the wrong order. This prompts a fist slamming on the metal counter that draws the attention of everyone in the restaurant. I think he's mad now. One of Toms pans catches fire and Chef gives up and puts Keith on the meat station and tells Tom to just stand there and watch. Oooh. Thats vicious.

Virginia sends up a too-rare Wellington and everything falls apart. Not only are they using an improper egg wash, they're actually out of Wellingtons now. This is too much for Chef who hurls his apron in Toms face and orders a shutdown. Man, he is freakin' livid. He sends everyone back to the dorms and in lieu of naming a winner just tells each team to nominate someone for elimination.

Virigina confronts Sara about the previous incident. Sara is all comforting then interviews about how sneaky she is. Garrett Keith and Heather need no time figuring out who to eliminate. Tom obviously. Tom sits by himself musing about how luck Chef is that Tom didn't drop him for the apron thing. Riiiight.

At lienup Keith puts Toms name up as their nominee. Sara says that they have settled on Virginia. In the cruelest thing ever Chef is like "Did you consider Rachel?" Ouch. Ouch. Whatever, Tom is sooo toast. And indeed he is exiled from Hells Kitchen. Despite previously threatening to punch him, Tom shakes Chefs hand after handing over his jacket. On the way out he interviews that maybe Chef will give him a recommandation. Meanwhile Chef wonders what compelled Tom to become a chef as he is a total crap cook. So probably not.

Next week! Celebrities! Yelling!

No Recap Yet?

2006-06-27T23:49:00.000-05:00

Sorry, spent most of the day selling my car. Actually, the selling of the car took less time than anything, that just sounded best. More interesting than "Spent the day getting my car detailed". Hmmm. Neither of those is really interesting.

Plus I hope to have something pretty cool up soon. But I'm not sure how it will work out yet so I won't ruin the surprise.

Bye Tom

2006-06-27T04:37:00.000-05:00

Looks like all the dead weight is gone from Blue Team now on HK. And boy, in between Tom, Giacomo, Gabe and Larry that was a LOT of dead weight. Full recap to follow.

Back in Town

2006-06-26T07:34:00.000-05:00

From this weekend:

- Twins win 3-0. Gwen is sad. The crowd was 50/50 between Twins and Cubs fans. Which made it that much sweeter when Joe Nathan nailed down his 100th career save. Mauer went 1-4 so I guess his BA actually went down. Bonus points to the 4 year old boy next to me who tried to get a "Lets go Twins and Cubs" chant going.

- Stayed at the Crowne Plaza hotel. I betrayed my brethren by ordering room service 20 minutes before the kitchen closed. I'm so sorry.

- Found out church is at 9 during the summer. Not 10. 9. Oops.

-Went to Mall of America, looked at China patterns. Many china patterns. The guy helping us register was fabulous which made me happy as I'm the kind of person who likes it when the people I deal with subscribe to certain stereotypes.
What? At least I admit it.

- Actually have to work again during HK tonight, grrr. Must prep VCR for real this time...